fiddlehead.....every changing, ever growing

fiddlehead....ever changing, ever growing

Monday, December 21, 2009

@#$^#@!!! Court date

Sad news on the court update. Our social worker said that the letter from the Ministry of Woman's Affairs(MOWA) in Ethiopia didn't get our letter to court in time for our court date, so the court date was postponed until January 12th! Ugh!!!! MOWA is the same Ethiopian government agency between our agency and the courts that messed up the last court date for us. It is very frustrating. What makes it more infuriating is that there is nothing our agency in Ethiopia can do to control how MOWA handles their cases. So, essentially MOWA didn't get the letter in for our case to make it complete so it could be heard by the court today. 22 more days until the next court date. Good thing there is a lot to keep us busy until then.

A friend just emailed me saying it really makes you think about all the situations in the world in which people don't have any power. How true.

Friday, December 18, 2009

YEH!!!! Social Report

Today was our 2nd court date in Ethiopia and we haven't heard the outcome. We are hopeful that Monday will will hear if we passed or not. I am so hopeful that we did. Especially, now that we received Tessa's social report!! It is 12 pages of BLISS all about our sweet girl. Her personality, her routines: bathing, sleeping, eating and they really go into detail! Oh my goodness, it was so amazing to look at 16 new photos of her! She is so incredibly beautiful! And so healthy and happy! She looks so engaged in all of her photos, surround by toys or playmates, sleeping, eating and just being totally adorable. Once I hear the official news that we are officially her family then I am permitted to post her photos! Can't hardly wait!!!!
This was the best gift ever this holiday....

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tessa....5 months old!

Our sweet girl, Tessa is 5 months old today. We also received her updated measurements and she is weighing in at 12.76 pounds and 24 inches. I am hoping to receive her social report soon. It can't be soon enough. This report will have more information about her and more photos! Can't wait!

I am trying to begin a new workout regime and get lots of new paintings complete. All in the pursuit of distraction by keeping myself busy. It works some of the time. There is plenty to keep me distracted with the kids and the holidays, but I am getting really tired of this and just want to hold and care for our little girl. Come on already!

O.K. back to sending postive, loving energy into the world to Tessa.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Court Date postponed! Ugh!

The morning of our court date I awoke and ran to my computer to see if there was any news from Ethiopia. Hoping with the time difference we would have already passed court and would be officially declared Tessa's parents!

Sadly, the opposite occured. The email from our social worker said that our court date had been postponed an entire month due to Universal Children's Day....a holiday in Ethiopia! Apparently, a government agency there, MOWA had needed to prepare a specific letter for our case, but this was not done due to the holiday. So, they postponed it. HUGE bummer.

Although, the court date officially makes us Tessa's family, I already love her and know she is my daughter. The courts process really just makes it official so we can go and pick her up ASAP! So, to have more time added onto this wait to have her in our arms is excurciating!

How I wish the Ethiopian government was able to govern its courts with the children's best interests first and foremost! It just doesn't seem like that is the case with such occurences. The irony of the postponement of our court date is that it was due to the holiday there, Universal Children's Day. This holiday was established in 1954 by the UN to bring awareness to children's welfare! Crazy!

The waiting continues....we will hope for the best in December. But realize this could actually happen again. So, we look ahead and focus on the big picture, knowing our daughter is coming.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Court date!!!!

At last.....we have our court date! November 20th!!!! We will wait for this date and hope and pray that it isn't delayed. Delays are always possible in Ethiopia...but I am putting no energy into that and will instead hope for the court to be moved up! ;) When we pass court we will officially have been declared Tessa's parents in the eyes of Ethiopia. At that time we can post a photo of our sweet girl. And then we will be one big step closer to setting our travel plans.
I can't wait!

Here is a photo of the boys trying on their halloween costumes....

Monday, October 26, 2009

Our clown, Bob

While there are many moments of frustration because we still haven't been assigned a court date for Tessa, there are also moments like these photos.  The boys outside with our silly doggy Bob, who is now almost 5 months old.  And then tonight we came home from dinner out to find Bob greeting us at the door with a Halloween basket stuck on his head!  Somehow he managed to loop the handle around his leg and really was stuck!  It was hysterical!  I love a good laugh and boy, did Bob give it to me bumping into things and trying to follow us!  Of course, I had to run and get our digital and video cameras to document the moment!  AFV here we come!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mud Puddles!

Jack and I had more fun today than should be allowed!  After preschool we came home to such a rainy day and huge mud puddles in the driveway, which is gravel right now and will be cement by next week.  It was just too tempting!  So, I ran for my camera to capture Jack jumping in puddles.  Clean up was a warm bath...well, worth all the dirty fun!

We are waiting for the Ethiopian courts to re-open in October to be assigned a court date.  I am crossing my fingers that we may get one in later October.  It may be wishful thinking, but why not!  The sooner the better!  Tessa is always on my mind.  I love to look at her sweet photos and can't wait to hold her.  Oh sweet girl we are so excited to know you!  It can't happen soon lets keep hoping for court to come soon and to be extra lucky for a quick travel date!  More on all of that as the fall is the first day of fall!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Life is but a dream....

You know the song   "Life is but a dream"... ?   It is stuck in my head!!
Here are the Dion
Will you take part in my life, my love?
That is my dream

Life is but a dream; it's what you make it
Always try to give; don't ever take it
Life has its music, life has its song of love, love

Life is but a dream, & I dream of you
Strange as it seems, all night I see you
I'm tryin' to tell you just what you mean to me

Wo I love you with all my heart
I adore you & all your lovin' charms
I want you to do your part
Come here to my open arms

Life is but a dream, & we can live it
Oh we can make a love none to com
That is my dream
m (life is but a dream

That pretty much sums up how I feel!  Life is a dream for me and I am so grateful.  To top it off, we are having the most beautiful weather and somehow it feels like it is reflecting just how joyful I am feeling.  

We have now given our sweet girl her first name...drum roll, please......Tessa!  Her name comes from her Ethiopian name Tesfanesh, which means "you are hope".  We had never considered this name before her referral and it is unlike other names I had been obsessing about for years.  Tessa feels like a very beautiful and special name from both us and her Ethiopian name.  What is really wild is that one of the meanings of Tessa in Greek is "fourth child"!  I had already fallen in love with this name, while talking with Marcie, and then looked it up on-line and saw that it was fate!  And as I look at her photos I see a little girl who to me looks like Tessa.  

Life is but a dream...sweet Tessa...sweet Tessa... sweet Tessa....sweet Tessa....sweet Tessa...sweet Tessa

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Please join us in celebrating!!!! Referral!!!

Please join us in celebrating the referral for our sweet girl!!!!  Here we are with a referral for a beautiful 10 week old baby girl.  We are blessed beyond measure and over joyed!  She is healthy, healthy, healthy.   She is beautiful...with big brown eyes, baby smooth brown sugar skin, and beautiful long curls.  I wish I could share the 2 photos I have with you but I can not until we pass court and she is officially our daughter.  We feel so much love for her and can't wait to have her in our arms and bring her home.

Her given name is Tesfanesh.  I believe the name is pronounced just as it is spelled.  It is a bit of a tongue twister!  For now, we are calling her "T".  Eventually, we will know what her name will be.  I already have many thoughts, but we haven't decided just yet.  I can say that her name literally means "you are hope".  How perfect is that!?  It amazes me actually....this journey to her has all been about hope!!!

Everything appears to be in order.  No problems with issues that could cause delays.  This is a comfort to us.  We will now wait to be assigned a court date, hopefully this fall, and then after we pass court will make arrangements to travel about 8-12 weeks later.  We are hopeful that she could bring her home when she is 6-7 months old!  

The boys were very excited to see T's photo.  I gave each of them a photo turned upside-down and had them flip it over at the same time.  This photo shows their reactions!   yeh!

Thank you all for your support during this roller-coaster of a journey.  I pray it is smooth sailing from here.  Our hearts are still mending from the heart-break of Tirunesh.    While she is not far from our thoughts or hearts, we are so over-joyed that we have arrived at this place with the referral for our daughter and do not feel that the joy of this has been tainted in any way.  It is just as amazing and joyful!  We will pray for both "T"'s and their adoption journeys to their forever families.  

Art Fair

What an amazing day it was to sit outside at the Northwind perennial garden and show my art work.  I so enjoyed the day with Marcie, who encouraged me to submit my work for the art fair.  We took in all the art, the gardens and goodies all around us.  The weather could not have been better.  It was wonderful!  Marcie's 6 month old sweet baby boy, Max, was such a delight.  He was all smiles and snuggles and even took a nap on a blanket outside.  I got lots of time to hold Max and imagine holding our daughter in the future.  It was a great day to fill myself up with all things beautiful and wonderful...friendship, babies, art and nature!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Please don't turn away...

Please don't turn away...I share this with you for many reasons.  Because my daughter is in Ethiopia, because I am and will always be connected to the issues of Ethiopia, because no child should be starving, and because Plumy'Nut is an amazing nurtitional source that is saving children.  Please consider donating to the following fundraiser to support their efforts to provide Plumy'Nut to children in Ethiopia:

This link and pictures will show you how Plumy'Nut can work miracles.

7 weeks later:
What is Plumpy'Nut? Click below.

Please don't turn away....thank you.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Photo Contest!

These are some of the winning photos from the Monroe Arts Center Annual Photo Contest!

Drew won 1st place and a cash award, which he promptly spent on a Wii game!!  ;)
This photo is called "This Little Piggy".  I love seeing all those sweet toes together.  

This photo was taken by my "Little Sister" Maddi and is called "Midnight Beauty".  It won 2nd place and a cash award!!  I am not sure if she has already spent it.

Juddy won a ribbon for this photo "Drew Jumps In" in the Reflection category.  He was bummed that he didn't walk away with any $$$....but then I reminded him that I didn't either.  ;)  I am so excited that the kids had fun using my camera and hopefully are excited about photography!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Little man Jack

Jack Jack is getting to be such a big boy.  He is constantly trying to go poopy on the potty so that he can get a treat.  He is doing so well with staying clean and dry!  yeh!  Could it actually be possible that I may be diaper free for a while?!!  I will take it!  I just am feeling the need to share these photos of our little man.

He is really into "Cars" and "Handy Manny" right now and will actually sit through a whole Handy Manny show!  That is a beautiful thing.  His imagination is going into high gear.  I will often see and hear him having whole conversations with himself as he plays.  Love it!  

On the adoption front we are doing well.  The pain is easing although Tirunesh and our daughter are never too far from my thoughts.  I seem to be becoming the master of distracting myself, which is really not hard to do around here.  My dear friend, Margo, came for a visit this weekend which has been so fun.    This week I will also be getting all of my artwork ready for my first art fair at Northwinds Perennial Farm outside Milwaukee.  Marcie hooked me up with it and will help me set up.  It is a fun distraction and I may even make enough $$ to pay the babysitter!   The garage is coming along great and now has its earrings on, a.k.a. outdoor lights.  I can't wait to get into the art studio upstairs!  So, as you can see, I am mastering the art of distraction as we wait for our referral.  I have had a lot of practice.  

Thank you all for following our journey, for your love and support.  Hugs to you.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Grief and Hope

To have loved and lost a child I never knew is such a painful experience.  Tirunesh became apart of my heart from the instant I saw her sweet face.  She became apart of our family dialogue every day....where will she eat at the table, where will she sit in the car?  She became apart of our image of our future as a family.  Her name just rolled off our tongues and became the natural and sweet music to our ears.  To say good-bye to those dreams is so painful.

With this grief also comes the realization that we must feel this loss to be able to open our hearts again.  We know that our daughter is still on her journey to us and we can feel the joy and hope in that.  This journey is so much about seeing the hope...there is hope for Tirunesh and for our daughter both.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Adoption Update with a heavy heart

It is with a very heavy heart that I update you on our adoption.  Sadly, Tirunesh's referral is not valid due to problems with the dates and paperwork.  These issues all need to be cleared up by the Ethiopian authorities for her referral to move forward and there is no end in sight for when this may occur.  We have come to a place we never expected to be on this roller coaster of adoption and life.    Because of the fact that Tirunesh's referral is not valid we cannot move forward with her adoption.

 Our hearts are hurting for so many reasons, but mostly because we thought Tirunesh would be our daughter.  We are also trying to take comfort in the fact that Tirunesh is not being hurt by our decision.  She did not know us at all or have any bond to us yet.  She will continue to be cared for and her journey to her future family will continue.  We were of course very attached to this child or the idea of this child in our lives.  It is so strange to have an abstract love for someone you have never met.  Not unlike a miscarriage this feels very much like a loss of the child we never knew.

We are making peace with this situation and are continuing to trust God and the universe's plan to bring our daughter into our lives. It is a difficult realization, but now we know that Tirunesh was apart of that journey to our daughter and she will hold a special place in our hearts.  As we look forward we will continue to trust this journey to our sweet girl and re-open our hearts to her referral.  There is absolutely no telling when that will be but we are next on the list for a referral.   

I will keep updates here in a hope to not have to repeat myself over and over, which feels painful to me right now.  Please do send a prayer out to sweet Tirunesh and that her relinquishment is able to be processed.  We also ask you send your love and prayers out to our daughter, who is still unknown to us, and to us to help heal our hearts. 

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Back to school

Back to School!  All the boys had their first day of school today.  It was different for each of them.  Judson was excited to see his friends, but sad that summer over.  He immediately ran off to the playground to find his buddies and they started playing soccer.

Drew felt really nervous.  Last night he said he didn't want to go and I could feel his anxiety over the unknown that is kindergarten.  This morning he didn't want to leave his room, but then did after deciding to call the neighbors to see if they boys could ride with them.  Drew was excited to go to school with his friends.  So, we all went together to the school and that helped Drew a lot.  Drew played on the playground and when the bell rang grabbed his bag and found me.  We found his teacher and lined him up.  He looked scared and tearful.  I felt the same way.  I gave him a kiss and said, "Have a really fun day!".  I had to exit quickly after so he wouldn't see my tears.  Plus, it was time to get Jack to his first day of school ever at Monroe Preschool (2 mornings a week).  He has wanted to go to school for a long time.  Last year he would have a fit when we would drop off Drew and leave.  He was so excited and went into the room and started to play right away.  He barely needed to say good-bye to me, but I insisted. ;)   He had a great day.  

Juddy and Drew both had great days at school too!  Juddy was thrilled to have friends in his class and said he really likes his teacher, Mr. Barnard.  I was concerned about Drew's day, but his teacher Mrs. Mahlkuck said he had a great day!  Drew was so cute at dinner tonight.  He said, "Mom, you want to hear a secret? ....School is AWESOME!".    What a relief!!!!    YEHHHHH!!!!!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Summers days come to an end

The last weekend of summer was spent in Minnesota.  Our very special Nana just celebrated her 60th birthday with lots of surprises (Pops provided his own).  Our surprise was to show up at her house when she came home from work on a Wednesday.  She never expected that!  The kids were so excited for that garage door to open!  It was fun to be with Nana and the family on her birthday.  We miss so many  birthday celebrations with that side of the family being so far away.  Nana thought her birthday celebration was over, but we surprised her again.  Pops offered to take the boys all day Saturday so I was able to set it up for Barb and Cori to come with us for a day at the spa.  ahhhhhhhh.  It was a wonderful day.

The end of summer in MN means the MN State Fair.  So, Pops helped me take the boys and their cousin, Grace there for a couple hours.  We hit some rides and of course ate our favorites: mini-donuts, corn on the cob, corn dogs.  Yummy.  I even let the kids have cotton candy!  What a treat!

           Dad and I stopped over by the old, old house at 1079 Ingerson in Shoreview to take a photo by the tree we have planted together.  This was also the first home to me and my brother and sister.  Sadly, the tree had been taken down earlier in the summer after it spilt.  Well, it did have a nice long life of over 30 years!

We arrived home to the construction....major construction.  The septic system is being installed, which means at least 4 trucks ripping up my backyard.  Yes, totally ripping up my entire back yard.  The electrician, security guy, and house painter was here power washing the house.  And of course the contractor was working on the garage.  It was chaotic!  Ugh.  The garage project is looking great.  Boy, I sure will appreciate having an attached garage and art studio upstairs!  

The first day of school tomorrow....for all the boys!  A big day.  More to come....

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The facts and what I must do.

It has been incredibly difficult these days trying to reconcile the facts that are preventing us from bringing sweet Tirunesh home.  The facts are.....we still do not have a court date.  (Even through people who received a referral after us do). Our delay in receiving a court date is due to some details in the referral that need to be worked out.  This means the paperwork had to go back to Irco, the region where T is from, to be resolved.  This takes "time".  And from what I can tell that is not US time, but Ethiopian time, which seems to mean they will get to it when they get to it.  Nothing can be definite on time.  So, we wait for a court date in Irco for the paperwork issue.  Then we wait for the BIG court date when we become T's parents.  Then after the judge says "yes" you are Ts parents legally we get to schedule travel 6-8 weeks later.  With the month long court closure in September, it could be winter by the time we travel.   Those are the facts.

There are more facts...That I know very little about our sweet girl. I have T's weight and height measurements given every 2 weeks.  She is small, but growing slowly.  She is crawling, playing with toys and feeding herself.  But the fact remains that I don't know what T's smile looks like, what her laugh sounds like, which toy she loves the most, who she is the most attached to, how she is sleeping, what her favorite foods are, and what she is feeling.  I could go on.

The other fact in this situation is that I can choose how to handle these facts.  It is often very difficult to reconcile.  I feel angry and sad that we are missing time with T.  The fact is I must trust the T is getting everything she needs.  I pray all her needs are being met and that someone is making her feel special and loved like we would.  The fact is I can't make this time go any faster, I can't persuade anyone to get us a court date, and I can't do anything to really know T right now.  

The fact is I must surrender to the facts.  I must trust the universe's plan.  I must maintain hope for the best possible outcome, while also knowing I have done as much as possible.  I must believe in God's divine intervention in this whole process.  I must....

I must be the best Mom I can be to the children right here in my home.  I must be ever present in my marriage.  I must do what I need to do to take care of myself to get through this time.  I must see the big picture...that one day Tirunesh will be home with us, that we will be able to nurture her and love her and spend the rest of our lives continuing this pursuit.  Those are the facts...and what I must do.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Into August...

Today we made the trek to Milwaukee to be the Homeland Security office.  They will expire soon and since the process is taking longer than anticipated we need to have them current to bring our sweet Tirunesh home.  Today we also received an update on her height and weight.  It looks like she is growing just fine.  She is still small for her age in weight.  It is bitter sweet to receive these updates.  I want sooo badly to know more about our sweet girl and while I am grateful for an update on her height and weight, I am sooo anxious to know more! What are T's favorite toys? what makes her smile and giggle?  What are her favorite foods?  What soothes her when she is upset?  I could go on and on.  This process is beautiful in so many way, but is also incredibly frustrating.  It is so frustrating that our daughter is a world away and we can't find anyway to get to her any sooner.  It is so frustrating that we have to wait for the entities in Ethiopia....the court closing in August means another month added to our wait.  It is all so very frustrating.  There isn't anything anyone can say or do.  I so appreciate people just witnessing it with me.  Sitting with me in the frustration and pushing me into the future of hope.  So, on that note, I leave with photos of the boys and their cousins on the beach from our wonderful visit to Minnesota.  Next year T you will be there too.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Bob the bulldog

For anyone who knows me well, it wasn't going to be too long before we welcomed another dog into our lives and here he is...Bob the Bulldog.  He is a french bulldog that we picked up from a breeder while on our way back to my parents house in MN.  He is such a sweet little guy and we are thrilled!  He really is a mix of our last 2 dogs Porter the Pug and BlueBoy in both his coloring and shape.  It has been a month since we lost Blue boy and boy, what a month! But we feel like it is a good time for us to bring this pup into our family.  We have plenty of time to house train him and work on basic commands with him before we bring Tirunesh home.

Speaking of sweet T....we wait for more news on Tirunesh.  It is difficult to know she is growing and changing every day and that we can't be with her because we must wait.  Wait for our request for a court date, wait to receive the court date, WAIT, WAIT!  It is bittersweet torture.  I have sent out a care package for her, which will travel with an agency family so it is only a 1 gallon ziplock bag full.  But I certainly used my space well in that ziplock!  I wish so much that I could start knowing her today.  We are getting little updates on development and growth here and there, and she is doing well.  But there is so much I don't know about her.  Actually, I don't have it in me to make that list right now because it is just to difficult.  
I am thinking of you all the time sweet T.  Sending our love out to you!  We have a puppy for you to love now! ;)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Referral Day!!!!!

(The boys checking out their sister)

What a day!  This morning, bright and early at 7:05 a.m., we received a call from our social worker with the much anticipated referral for our sweet girl.  We were so happy because Andy was still at home to receive the phone call and see the email come through with all the information.  That was sure a moment.  My head was spinning with emotions!  Our daughter!  Our daughter!  This is our daughter.  We looked over all the information, but I could hardly take my eyes off of her!

To see her photograph for the first time was overwhelmingly wonderful.  She is just a beautiful, sweet girl.  My first reaction to her photo was that she looks sad and confused...and really maybe she is right now.  Or perhaps she just wasn't in the mood for a photo, who knows, but it isn't surprising to me that I would project what I think she might be feeling onto her photo.  Her little face is just precious, fine features, beautiful chocolate skin, fuzzy hair, perfect rosebud lips and big brown eyes.  She is a beauty.  She is also very healthy!!  It looks like she is a underweight at approximately 14 pounds right now, but that isn't surprising considering the state of many children in Ethiopia.  It is good to know that she is now getting all of her physical needs met in the orphanage....enough food and I pray and trust that she is getting enough love and attention.  I would love nothing more than to just hop on a plane to Ethiopia and snuggle this little one!  I wish I could share her photo with you, but they restrict us from doing that until she is "legally" our daughter and that will happen after court.  When the court date is is still unknown and will hopefully be scheduled before the court closure that begins August 7th.  Oh, how I hope we will get through the court closure!  So, there will be more waiting, but know we know who our daughter is. 

 All the feelings I have had over the last many months have left me worried for her, wondering where she is and what could be happening.  I have the answers to some of those questions and believe I now understand why I was worried.  I think I have been connected to her for some time and now I will actually get to know her and guide her on this journey of life.  What a tremendous and joyful honor that is.  I love you sweet girl....

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Blue Boy

It has been a sad time at the Rikkers...our sweet spirited dog, Blue Boy, died very unexpectedly. His death was a tragic accident and leaves us with very sad and heavy hearts.

We will remember you Blue much you loved each of us and wanted to kiss us and touch you whenever we could. How much you LOVED playing ball in the yard, and how you always amazed us with your speed and agility. How you would bark at us to throw it again and again and again. Your sweet, loving unconditional. How you would nudge us to keep petting you the moment our hand would stop. How you would jump up on the couch and make yourself a comfy little stop for yourself. How you would sleep and snuggle with us and put your body under the covers and head up by ours on the pillow...just like a little person would. We will remember you as a small and sweet. The day I found you and you held your paw up to me to please me, and how you continued to do that whenever you wanted to please me. How you escaped from the fence at the old house, were hit by a car and came home nearly untouched by it all. Then to prevent your skinny body from getting through the fence, how I had you were a doggy backpack with waterbottles in it. How you would jump on people because you were so excited to meet and see them...and you meant it...and how much that annoyed me. How you would bark to protect us like a big dog would. I will always remember how you were symbolic of these days in our family life- full of energy and love...just like you.
Blue boy I am so sorry for your death. I am so sorry. But I am also so glad that you were apart of our lives. The boys will always remember you and love you as their first dog. And we will always love you for loving us the way you did. Good-bye Blue Boy... good boy.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Really? 14 months! has been 14 months of official waiting.  And as I think about it I realize it has now been 2 years since we officially started this process.  Wow.  I am so glad we had the foresight to start when we did.  Jack was such a peanut (9months) when we started, but I remember thinking that it would make for a good age difference between he and our daughter.  I do think that is still true, but the wait is wearing on me.  Some days I do really well with distracting myself.  And for a while I wasn't on edge about it, knowing it wasn't time.  Then last week with all this talk about the upcoming court closure, my mind is on things much more.  I really feel like we are incredibly close so whenever the phone rings my heart skips a beat.   The other day the pediatric office called and said "Is Jennifer there?".  I responded with a very excited, "Yes, this is!".  She must have thought I sounded like a nut, because then she said "This is Katie from Pediatrics...Drew's culture was negative".  Oh.  Anyway, that is what it has been like lately.

The agency is hopeful that anyone who receives a referral by the end of this week will pass court in Ethiopia before the court closure.  Our specialist has said "You are soooooooo clost.  We just need a bunch of referrals.  It is going to be a close one."  AHHHH!!!!   So, now I need to work on accepting, once again, my lack of control in this process.  It is very likely we will hit the court closure and have an extra 2 months added to our wait to travel to our daughter.  Now I am focusing on just receiving the referral and all that that means:  we will know who our daughter is, we will be able to see her photo, we will know her health and social history, we will know she is safe and being cared for at the care center, we will KNOW....   I will hang on and hope that the next blog post is "the post"!!

Here are some recent photos of us enjoying the lake.  As you can see, we will need to find a new name for the boat!  Next summer for sure!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Ready and waiting!

On May 17th it was 13 months of waiting...and so we wait for the referral for our sweet girl.  Since, I can't control anything about any of this I went into high gear and finally completed her bedroom.  It may sound supertiscous (spelled incorrectly...I am too tired to try and figure that word out today!!!), but it feels like maybe if I get her room totally ready for her that the universe will know it.  Somehow, now I am sending the energy into the universe that we are totally ready...her room is adorable and waiting for her!  Silly, it may be, but what the heck why not!  

As you could see in one of the photos Jack hasn't totally given up the idea of the crib being for our little girl.  He likes to crawl in it and say "My crib".  He doesn't seem to mind all the pink!

If you are reading this please send a message into the universe for our sweet bring her to all of us, to keep her safe, healthy and wrapped in our love.

P.S.  All the fabric for the bedding and curtains was designed by Melissa Averinos.  Her blog is     I LOVE her style!

Drew is 6!!!

Our sweet boy, Drew, is now 6!  He is so proud to be 6 years old and proudly shares it with everyone he encounters.  He had a very nice birthday with a trip to Chuck E. Cheese with our neighbors, the Leuzingers, the night before the big day and then a family birthday party at home the next night.  He loved his batman cake, but the best surprise came when Pops showed up to celebrate with him!  Drew was thrilled!!
We love you so baby Drew....opps, your a big boy now!   

Sunday, May 10, 2009

My heart on Mother's Day

Here Jack is giving us his heart for mother's day.  It is a "bleeding heart" flower from my garden.  And in a way I feel like my heart is bleeding.  It is bleeding with my intense love for my children.  I love them so much it sometimes hurts!  At other times it bleeds with emotion for my sweet girl whom I do not know on this mother's day.  Today my heart bleeds for my sweet girl's birth mother and for the reasons she is not able to care for her our sweet girl.  It bleeds with desire to know and hold my daughter.  It bleeds with love for my daughter in Africa and for the sons I am able to love and cherish each day.  As a mom your heart bleeds....

Thank you for visiting the fiddlehead report!