milestones

In one day there have been some milestones occuring here....

Andy turned 40.   yep, he is 40!  Fabulous and 40.     

I met him when he was just 21.   wow- we really are grown-ups now.

he is so loved.....

*Proud Mama alert*

Jack is on 2 wheels.  That's right!   He is such a big boy.  Within a minute of Andy taking off the training wheels and he was immediately on 2 wheels. He is continually asking me "Mama, I can go on 2 wheels now.  Want to see?"   It is so sweet, he is so proud...and so am I.

Drew got up on 2 skis!!!  I was driving so I only have this photo of him on a tube.  But let me tell you getting up on 2 skis was BIG!

Jud is kneeboarding like a pro....seriously hitting the wake like it is nothing!    I wish had had a shot of him throwing up his "hang-loose" sign.  Needless to say he is totally rad.

Tessa is working on getting 3 teeth all at once.  It is not a small task.  

And it seems like there is alot of drama at our house.  

She is basically ticked off alot....I hope those teeth pop through soon!

I am always amazed by this life.  Watching all of us grow and change....together. 

this time of year

Once there were 2 mothers and it was this time of year.

For one mother this time of year everything is in bloom, the green grass grows so quickly.   The days are longer.  The iris' just finished blooming while the roses show their color and the lilies are ready to show themselves soon.   The robins are busy feeding their nest full of babies.   It is this time of year that she was carrying her first born, Judson.  She remembers this time of year so well precisely because she was on the verge of motherhood...and then became a mother on July 1st, 2001.

It is this time of year for a mother in Ethiopia.  For her this time of year is not marked on a calendar by a month, day of the week or even year.  For her this time of year is marked by the crops growing.  This time of year is marked by the wet weather as they enter the rainy season.  The dirt roads under her feet may be muddy and slick.  She may not have the date, but she may look around and see this time of year and remember.   It was this time of year 2 years ago that she brought our daughter into the world.   This child was given a birth date of July 1st, 2009.

It is this time of year that these 2 mothers were both on a journey of motherhood.

It is this time of year that 2 children were on their journey to each of us, 8 years between them.

It is this time of year that one mother grieves for the other's loss, and wonders and wishes and hopes....

It is this time of year that one mother is forever grateful.

Forever grateful for the beautiful life brought into the world.

Forever grateful for God uniting our lives together forever.

It is this time of year, and beyond, that these 2 mothers will be forever connected through the thread of life, love and motherhood.  It is this time of year.

so long changing pad

Is it weird that I feel the need to document this diaper changing pad?  It maybe so.
But I do and for good reason (in my mind).   I have been changing diapers on it for almost 10 years....to be exact 9 years and 11 months and 6 days.  but who's counting?

As you can see, it is worn-out...and when Tessa came home I didn't want to muster up the cashola to buy a new one, when I knew I could just tape this one up to get through one more kid!  So the packing tape came out and did the trick.

My Mom was here last weekend and told me I may as well take it off Tessa's dresser.  I hadn't even realized it because it has been a constant for soooo many years!   Not only can I not lift Tessa up at the moment to lay her on the changing pad with this back problem (she happily lays on the floor for diaper changes these days) but she really is way too big for it!   My youngest baby is too big, her legs sadly extend off of it.  So, it is time to send it away.

I think I was being "green" to hang on and tape the darn thing up, but I also know I was being sentimental.   For all the pee and poo, diaper rashes, tears, blow-outs and shots in the face,  my heart still fills up with the sweetest memories.   Remembering my first baby, Judson....and then Drew and then Jack and then Tessa.  Their tiny little bodies.....not little, little anymore.  The tickles, the smiles and giggles.  Them laying in their towels on it after a bath, getting a massage with the smell of Johnson's baby lotion (I can almost smell it!)

good-bye diaper pad.....soon I hope to say a long farewell to diapers! until then....I press on through the diaper years.

As I type this I have the Bangles song verse in my head "time...time...time...see what's become of me?" from the song "Hazy Shade of Winter".  It has me giggling and wondering.  I am writing sentimentally about a diaper changing pad....What has become of me?!

baby, baby....

my sweet baby with her new baby-doll.   She is totally in love.

I am in such awe of the natural sweetness Tessa shows with her little baby-doll.   It has me thinking that there is may be something so inherent in nurturing for some people.  Seeing Tessa with her baby-doll had wondering how much of it is a purely female trait.

I don't want to be one of "those people" that categorizes girls and boys into roles.  Really, I am not.  But, having said that, I look at my 3 boys and never once have they spoken sweetly to a baby-doll.
I actually did get a boy doll for my oldest son, but it was never "nurtured".  No, it was yet another item to be stuffed into the Tonka truck.  Really it was rarely played with, but if it was it was because Buzz Lightyear and Spiderman were missing in action.   That boy doll was never snuggled, rocked, burped or given a bottle by one of my boys.

In our family I have always really made an effort to show feelings, talk about feelings...love, sadness, fear, etc.   And although I  haven't seen the boys "nurture" a doll, what is important is that theyvery naturally have done this with a real baby-their sister, or to their baby cousin.  The difference is it just has never happened with a baby-doll, and that is why I took notice when Tessa absolutely fell in love with this doll and immediately began nurturing her, giving her a bottle, burping her and even speaking in a sweet voice to her!

I will say that Jack once show me how he would hold his new sister when she came home.....it made for a great photo session of practicing being a big brother to his new sister.

BUT that baby also went for some scary rides soon after.

The truth is that we all have the ability to nurture, for some (boys and girls, men and women) it comes more naturally, or has to be learned and practiced.  But we all know people that exude nurturance naturally, that have such an ease with it.  Who knows how Tessa will grow and change over time, but this certainly was a glimpse into her sweet soul...and perhaps for some it just comes more naturally with a baby-doll.

little buddies

There is something so wonderful and special about watching your children's friendships.  I think because I have been blessed with such amazing friendships in my own life, I want so much for my children to have those meaningful, fun-filled, supportive connections to friends as well.

Here are the little buddies in April having looking for creatures in the stream.  A bath and new clothing was required after this play date!  A sign of a lot of boy fun!

Jack wants nothing more than to be with his friend, Cameron.  Like most early childhood friendships, they are close in age, they live in the same neighbor and his Mom is a dear friend of mine.   So....it is only natural that they too would be pals.  And they really are.  I love watching Jack's excitement when he gets to have a "play date" with his pal.

On this day it was warm and Cameron's Mom had invited Jack over to play in the sprinkler.  Oh boy, Jack was geeked up!   He was so excited that he didn't even fight me over the sun-screen application.   He couldn't get there fast enough so he asked if he could ride his little 4-wheeler to Cameron's.     

Look at him all big boy and adorably excited at the same time on his 4-wheeler, with his space monkey back pack, Lightning McQueen swim wear and baseball cap.   Can't get more big boy than that!

I was somewhere between giggling-with-glee and tears as I saw Jack drive off to the "lane" where they meet up between our houses.  (The "lane" is the perfect little off road grass path between our properties...perfectly situated for our two families)

There at the end of the lane Cameron was already waiting and jumping around when Jack approached.   

Life isn't always so simple.....but on this day, at this moment it simply was.  These two pals, just being the best of friends and playing outside together.

my "mother's garden"

This spring has been especially exciting for the gardener in me.   That is because last fall I labored for many hours (likely worsening my back pain) in creating an expanded garden next to our driveway and shed.  This garden has been in my mind for a few years.  I split many of my own perennials and was lucky to have inherited many others from friends' gardens.   However, I needed help from a landscaper to create the path I designed the flowers and plants around.  This path went in super fast in the last couple weeks and has completed the garden!  I love love love it.

This is the view from my art studio window.  You can see how the garden's path has divided into 4 sections.   This was a happy thing that just happened.  I didn't purposely divide the garden into 4 sections with the path, but as I was walking along the path I realized that it makes the perfect "mother's garden" for me!   Each section of the garden is named after one of our  4 children.   If they give me a plant as a gift or if we purchase a perennial together we can plant it in "their" section, they can help care for it and watch it grow and change.

The kids are each standing in "their" gardens.

Oh, I love the path....it just gives this large garden exactly what it needed!  Defining the space while welcoming you into it to enjoy.   

i heart my garden.....don't you just love this heart shaped stone?!

What do I have tomorrow?

This is Jack, my youngest boy.   He loves to ask at any time of day, "What do I have tomorrow?" 

I think Jack is asking this question all the time to understand time, schedules, and just likes knowing what to expect.  He will ask "what do I have after that? and after that?...."

Often times I answer, "you have school, then I will pick you up and you will have lunch and then a play date and then we pick up your brothers"....

Tonight the "what do I have tomorrow" question came and I answered.   

Then the hubby said, "What does Daddy have tomorrow".   "Work", Jack answers.   

Then the hubby asks "What about Juddy and Drew?"   "School", says Jack.  

I knew the next question was coming from Andy with a smirk.   

"Jack, what does Mommy have tomorrow?".   

Jack responds blankly, "nothing".   

Did you hear that?  Nothing?!   I have nothing to do tomorrow....
yes!!!!   awesome!!!!    hoorah!!!   yahoo!!!!

baw, ha ha ha ha ha... that's a good one.

it was funny to me and did make me laugh, but also a little sad all at the same time.
But I get it, he is 4 and that is what he sees,
but of course, we know the truth and someday he will too. 

  nothing, I am literally laughing out loud.  i wish!
nothing.....
;)
perhaps it is time for one of those hour by the hour posts...hmmm
then again, what would that prove.  I know the truth!
;)  -smiles-

mother love

"Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible."
  ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul

I love mother's day.   I love the breakfast in bed that is delivered with such care and excitement.  

I love homemade paper cards, the sprouting plants they planted, the painted hand-prints and flowers.  I love those sweet smiles and big hugs from my all of little people.  

Mother's day means I am thinking of all the many mothers in my life with gratitude.... with love.  


First my own mother.....her sweet unconditional love.  How she has always supported my dreams, embraced who I am just as I am.  How she has shown me how to love big.


I think of my grandmothers, great-grandmothers....the ones I knew, and the ones I never knew.   I think of their lives, their choices, and how it all led to my life.  


I send my love to the aunts, cousins, friends, sisters....women in my life who are each amazing examples of a mother's love.   I have taken bits of wisdom from each of them.


I feel the love and gratitude I have for Tessa's first mother and the life she brought into the world.  I feel the love I know she carries for this beautiful child we share, whom I am blessed to love. 


I am amazed by these little souls, my children, who bestowed motherhood upon me.  how I love them so much it almost hurts.  how I love them with all of my being.  how I want to protect them from this world and yet teach them about it.   how I desire to keep them close and yet let them grow away from me to be who they are destined to be.   


On mother's day and every day, I an ever certain that raising these children is my purpose in this life, it is my greatest journey, challenge and  mission of love....what I am and will always be most proud of.


And a favorite photo as a mother for this year because I can see in my eyes how much I am wanting Tessa to feel my love, how much I love her and how deeply I needed to connect with her in this past year.   That is what much of this past years journey was about for me emotionally...and here I see it.

              

my biggest boy....

So, my biggest boy, Judson, is 9 3/4 years old.   I give you the exact age, because I think we are at a turning point.  Something is changing....shifting.  He is becoming much  more grown-up all of a sudden.  Jud is seeing the world through a much more mature lens.  He is incredibly independent, confident and seems like a well-adjusted kid...all good things! With that however, there has been signs that he is leaving a part of childhood behind.     The big issue that I had been delaying has been that he has really been desiring a room of his own.

He and Drew(age 7) have happily shared a room ever since we moved abroad (to France for a year) in 2004.  When we moved back to and got settled in our new life in Monroe we just keep them together in a room so we would always have a guest room, since our family lives a distance away and we have lots of visitors.  For so many years they happily shared a space and really enjoyed each other's company at night, never having problems with sharing a room.   Even today they share a room really well.  But I knew there would be a day that the arrangement wouldn't suit Juddy anymore.   It wasn't until recently that I realized we were at the place were Judson was needing much more autonomy both emotionally and physically.  I get it....he wants a place that is all his own.  That he can escape to when it is a bit crazy around here.  I totally....get...it.

So, after receiving many signs from Jud that he was unhappy in the arrangement I decided to go into hyper-mommy mode while he was at school and move him into the guest room.  I was able to get all the pretty guest room decor down and create a space that is absolutely so big-boy.....dare I say, even adolescent.   Jud came home and I told him I needed his help upstairs.....he came in and looked like this-

He was surprised.....even a bit confused for a spilt moment.  

Then he said....

"I'm in heaven"....

  He just came in, looked around, smiled and got settled right in to  "his room".    

I was a little surprised that he didn't jump up and down... or scream with glee.  

This was yet another sign that he is indeed a much more grown up boy these days.

The truth is I am struggling a bit with this new place.  Maybe because it is my first time watching a child of mine pulling away....doing exactly what he is suppose to be doing.   I believe I am here to guide my children through the world, even so the pulling away feels new and uncomfortable.   Maybe it is because while he is changing so quickly before my eyes while I also am fully caring for little ones as well.  And maybe this would feel the same if he was my only child.  so, I am trying to make sense of it, trying to be the Mom that rolls alongwith it, but a part of me is fighting it as well.  Like all things, I know this new place will have its beautiful moments....there will be new adventures for him and myself as a Mom.  For me, I just need to mourn where we are leaving and celebrate where we are going.  It is just as it should be....even if my big mushy heart is fighting it a bit more than it should.

era of the diaper

7-1-2001....marks the first day of the diaper era.  I am unsure when this era will end....but am hoping for 2012.  During this era, Mr. Diaper Genie has been a fixture in our home.  Mr. Diaper Genie has seen LOTS of poo and pee-pee filled diapers.  Here I refer to him as Mr. Diaper Genie because he commands respect.  If you contained diapers day in and day out until you should command respect too.

Recently, I saw the hubby walked a poo filled diaper out of the nursery, away from Mr. Diaper Genie, to grab a bag and go to the garbage can.  I asked myself, "Why isn't he using Mr. Diaper Genie?"  hmmm....

It was a few days later that Mr. Diaper Genie needed to be emptied out.  And so I asked hubby to do it, in part because he hadn't changed a nasty diaper in a while and I felt it was "the least" he could do (I am aware of the passive aggressive nature of this).  So, when I got that doubtful "sure I can" look from him, a bolt of shock ran through my body!  I came into the sudden realization that hubby didn't dislike using the convenient Mr. Diaper Genie.  No.  He just didn't know how to use him....after almost 10 years!   Then second shock wave. Hubby had NEVER....that's right.....NEVER changed Mr. Diaper Genie.   Oh my goodness, how did this happen?!!!  He didn't know how to empty him and reinsert the lining after almost 10 years of Mr. Diaper Genie gracefully containing poo in our home!  seriously?  How had I not noticed this until now?   (classic denial.)

My immediate response, while not the best for a relationship, was (surprise, surprise) confrontation.
Me, "You don't know how to change the Diaper Genie.  Do.  You."  not a question.   a statement
Hubby, "I am sure I could".
Me, "So, your telling me you NEVER have?"
Hubby, "I don't think so".
Me (in my head...."how is this possible"   What the %*&%?)  and then out loud "WHAT!"
Then I went on to challenge him to figure out how to change Mr. Diaper Genie.  Yes, I did.

I did this because I was ticked off.  I did this because I have had my own share of conflict with Mr. Diaper Genie over the years.  Sometimes he is just difficult, but somehow I always get him to work and hold the poo.  But somehow, I was convinced that my highly-intelligent husband, whom everyday saves lives performing surgeries and heals patients, would be unable to solve the puzzle of the Mr. Diaper Genie.

I doubt, that you are surprised to learn that hubby never went in to the nursery and tackled the puzzle that is Mr. Diaper Genie.  Because of course, I ended up being the one to stuff the very last diaper in.

I am not trying to start something here or be passive aggressive.  I  have decided to drop the diaper genie debate (if it is even a debate) and accept the situation for what it is.   The realization that at times we have   incredibly traditional roles.  It hurt a little even though this is the life we have both created by choice.  Somehow, I felt alone in my solo relationship with Mr. Diaper Genie.

Hubby (probably, I hope) can't work Mr. Diaper Genie.....and to be honest, when I think about it there is plenty that I don't or can't "do" that is in his "domain".   Mr. John Deere, his beloved lawn tractor, is a perfect example (as much as I hate to admit it).  Although, I am sure I could mow the lawn, plow the snow with Mr. John Deere, if I really WANTED to and HAD to.  That is the kicker.....he doesn't want to and hasn't HAD to work with Mr. Diaper Genie because I am here doing it.  I do want to be the one here doing all these things, but I can now say that I am officially ready to say good-bye to diapers, my relationship with Mr. Diaper Genie and the era of the diaper.

Who knows, maybe this summer I will surprise Andy and he will come home to a beautifully manicured lawn courtesy of me.  Just have to get a private lesson on how to drive the tractor.

But really, what would that prove?  That I want to do more work around here? no, no, and no.

It would prove that we can cross the lines of our traditional roles.  I am not sure I need to do this, but it is something to think about.  ;)

civics lesson Madison style

Today was a day to take a field trip to embrace democracy...and cookies.  

We are only 35 miles south of Madison....and unless you haven't seen the news lately, there is a great deal of political "issues" going on regarding teachers/state workers rights and union bargaining.

I am not getting into all of it here because this post is about teaching our kids about democracy and supporting the teachers they love.  

The teachers we love, who are so dedicated and who keep our WI educational one of the strongest in the nation.  I have been a school social worker and apart of the teachers union.  I have worked side by side with teachers and school staff.  I have teachers and staff in my family.   I have 4 children who are all public school students.  I have many friends who work in the schools as teachers and staff.  

I support them all and want the best for our educational system.

My friend Marcie and I have been wanting to support the cause, our teachers and 

also give our older children a great real life civics lesson!   

So, we took our oldest 4 children (1st & 3rd graders)

 straight to our state capitol for a real life lesson in democracy.   

Signs in hands and cookies in our baskets with notes saying:

 "We are smart cookies.   We love our teachers.  Thank you for all you do. We support you!"

 Arriving at the capitol we noticed that it was much calmer than a couple weeks ago when 100,000 people were rallying.  However, there were all kinds of examples of democracy strolling around the capitol.   People representing many state workers and union groups (fire fighters, carpenters, nurses, the arts, and of course teachers).

 As we approached the main capitol entrance we saw a crowd, speakers and many different signs or support and of protest.   A perfect stop to take it all in and start sharing our cookies of support!  Some supporters also wanted photos with the kids, their signs and cookies.  ;)

It was peaceful rallying.  Speakers, drums, some chanting, lots of people mingling.  

As we walked along we talk with the kids about how great it is that we are fortunate enough to live in a country in which we can express ourselves.  Express our ideas openly, without fear of the government and how there are places in the world where it isn't safe to do so.  

This is what democracy looks like!    (I love this sign)

The capitol doors were closed.  Bummer. I would have loved to show the kids the inside of the beautiful capitol and all the signs all over the walls.  But there were post-it notes all over the doors expressing ideas.  I love that blue post-it "keep out struggle peaceful".

 *proud mama alert*

Judson had found a piece of chalk and wrote this all on his own....  

"think of the KIDS!"   Yep, that's my boy.

 The kids got the hang of this rallying business.  

But, they better not try this at home.  

 Democracy doesn't always live here.....;)   We all know who rules around here.   

tee hee....I couldn't resist.

 I like this sign too....it does feel like a movement in progress.

The kids all took in the messages, ideas and democracry in action.  I was so proud to see them take it seriously and learn about the process.   I do hope it is a memory they carry for a lifetime.

  They loved supporting their teachers and all talked about how they love their teachers, past and present.   

And of course, after all that cookie support, we had to take a cookie break.

We love our teachers.  

We love democracy and our country.

And we love cookies.