hitting the beach...

Hitting the beach....Guatemala style in Monte Rico.     It was a wonderful day....lunch seaside (at the large hut below), then out to the beach to hit the waves!

The beach was all ours.....and we loved it!   Notice that beautiful sand?  

It is volcanic sand and a wonderful charcoal color 

( I now have a glass vessel of it on my fireplace mantel!)

This isn't the sort of beach you can just go swimming at.  The current is incredibly strong, so much so that it is very dangerous.  Really this is the sort of beach were it is most fun and safe to let the waves push and pull you around on the shore.    Judson was the first to dive in to the waves, roll around in the sand and embrace it!   I did too and had a blast.  The water was the warmest ocean water I have ever experienced.  It was a beautiful day!

 Gosh, I just LOVE this photo of my sweet boy.

One of many giant splashes....and then it was time to dig in the sand.  Karin and Javi did the digging

Jud and Roni (Karin's brother) became a mermaid

And then the surf came in and engulfed that mermaid!

Karin's son, Javi.  This was his first visit to his homeland in 9 years.

This could be one of my favorite shots ever....so symbolic of my sweet boy growing up.

A day at the beach in Monte Rico= bliss

ahhhh Guatemala.....

Today I write from Guatemala City, Guatemala....
To jet off to a foreign locale is not a normal occurence for me, although I wish it were!
But when you are invited to see the county of your wonderful friend you don't say no!  
That should be a rule...never say no to a guided tour of anyone's country.

I am so grateful...and even more grateful that I brought my oldest with me to join in on the journey.   With a family of 4 children, to have alone time with one of them is really a treasure.  It is my hope that Judson will look back on this time with a sense of adventure, exploration and remember us just being together. 

After arriving in Guatemala we had "Pollo Campero" which is a famous restaurant here.  You see them everywhere and I can see why.  I don't want to insult Pollo Campero by comparing it to KFC, but it is similar only much more delicious! *My diet starts when I return* Until then I eat!
Then it was time to recover from a night of no sleep and all travel.    Getting a nap in was a good choice, because then it was time to go to  El Portal del Angel. click that link to see just how AMAZING it is!  This restaurant overlooks the Guatemala City, on top of mountains, and it is simply breathtaking.  Not to mention the restaurant itself.  A very special welcome to Guatemala!

Day 2-  Antiqua

OMG this town is amazing.  Only a 45 minute drive from Guatemala City.  The drive alone is an adventure, but a beautiful one through the mountains.  Driving here is a real skill, and we are in the good hands of Karin's brother.   Arriving in Antiqua, formerly Guatemala's Capital city, you first see the incredible picture book beauty of this place. 

From the greenery, to the centuries old buildings, the stone streets, the old wooden doors, the vibrant colors of the buildings all around.  It is simply a treasure and I feel in love with this city.   Karin said that we would see more Americans in Antiqua than Guatemalans, this is true and I totally see why.  It is gorgeous, full of history, very safe and built around maintaining the integrity of the city.  Who wouldn't want to visit, live there or retire there!?  yes, please.

To truly embrace the city we went on a 3 hour long city tour by an American, Elizabeth Bell, who has lived in the city since 1969.  She was incredibly knowledgable about all things Antiqua, the culture, the buildings, and is equally involved in improving the lives of Guatemalan people.   It was a tour to city hall, the current cathedral, the ruins of another majestic cathedral that was destroyed hundreds of years ago in an earthquake, a visit to a Jade company that preserves the art of Mayan culture's immortal jade, an a visit to the local art and archeological museums, that are really a site to see. 

(This is the cathedral in the city center of Antiqua)



The ruins of the cathedral that was destroyed in the 1773 earth quake were breathtaking.   Just being in this space felt incredibly inspiring....the history, shapes, the sky, the textures.  I was loving every bit of it.

Even these heads on stools were....interesting.  Strange.   

Not something you see everyday so I had to capture it and of course, share it!

While at the St. Joseph cathedral ruins the guide told us to go ahead down in the "cript", here they there are statues and it feels ancient.  


The guide told us to take a photo with our flash to capture the "orbs"....the spirits that remain in the cript. I took several photos and each photo the orbs are different.  Who knows....but I tend to believe it is possible.



There was also a stop at a Le Casa Del Jade  to see the beautifully crafted jade pieces and learn about the history of jade in the Maya culture.

After our tour we hopped on a bus up the mountain to a wonderful restaurant called "the fork".   It was italian and simply delicious!  Juddy was so excited to have cheese pizza, which he could live on.  The restaurant was surrounded by the most amazing gardens filled with sculptures overlooking the valley and  the volcan de agua- a volcano with a lake at the top- in the distance.  Gorgeous!

Then it was time for a short drive to San Antonio Aguas Calientes , a Mayan community full of artisans.  The artisans, preserve their art and support their community through these amazing textiles, hand weaved on looms.  Of course, I did what I could to support the local economy!   A wonderful Mayan woman, named Sonya, invited me in to her shop to dress me as a traditional Mayan woman.  The clothes were beautiful, rich in color, and quite heavy, she even had me carrying a blanket on top of my head. 


We visited the Hotel Casa Santa Domingo for a tour of the grounds and the beautiful  Maya archaeology museum there on site.  I was taken by these beautiful bells...

Here we are on top of a glass display with some of the archaeological  findings below us

Within this hotel there was a walkway with these amazing hanging orchids....

What a very special day full of culture and beauty- more to come...

my biggest boy....

So, my biggest boy, Judson, is 9 3/4 years old.   I give you the exact age, because I think we are at a turning point.  Something is changing....shifting.  He is becoming much  more grown-up all of a sudden.  Jud is seeing the world through a much more mature lens.  He is incredibly independent, confident and seems like a well-adjusted kid...all good things! With that however, there has been signs that he is leaving a part of childhood behind.     The big issue that I had been delaying has been that he has really been desiring a room of his own.

He and Drew(age 7) have happily shared a room ever since we moved abroad (to France for a year) in 2004.  When we moved back to and got settled in our new life in Monroe we just keep them together in a room so we would always have a guest room, since our family lives a distance away and we have lots of visitors.  For so many years they happily shared a space and really enjoyed each other's company at night, never having problems with sharing a room.   Even today they share a room really well.  But I knew there would be a day that the arrangement wouldn't suit Juddy anymore.   It wasn't until recently that I realized we were at the place were Judson was needing much more autonomy both emotionally and physically.  I get it....he wants a place that is all his own.  That he can escape to when it is a bit crazy around here.  I totally....get...it.

So, after receiving many signs from Jud that he was unhappy in the arrangement I decided to go into hyper-mommy mode while he was at school and move him into the guest room.  I was able to get all the pretty guest room decor down and create a space that is absolutely so big-boy.....dare I say, even adolescent.   Jud came home and I told him I needed his help upstairs.....he came in and looked like this-

He was surprised.....even a bit confused for a spilt moment.  

Then he said....

"I'm in heaven"....

  He just came in, looked around, smiled and got settled right in to  "his room".    

I was a little surprised that he didn't jump up and down... or scream with glee.  

This was yet another sign that he is indeed a much more grown up boy these days.

The truth is I am struggling a bit with this new place.  Maybe because it is my first time watching a child of mine pulling away....doing exactly what he is suppose to be doing.   I believe I am here to guide my children through the world, even so the pulling away feels new and uncomfortable.   Maybe it is because while he is changing so quickly before my eyes while I also am fully caring for little ones as well.  And maybe this would feel the same if he was my only child.  so, I am trying to make sense of it, trying to be the Mom that rolls alongwith it, but a part of me is fighting it as well.  Like all things, I know this new place will have its beautiful moments....there will be new adventures for him and myself as a Mom.  For me, I just need to mourn where we are leaving and celebrate where we are going.  It is just as it should be....even if my big mushy heart is fighting it a bit more than it should.

its hardest being the oldest

"Mom, it's hard being the oldest", said Judson (our oldest of 4) as he leaned in for a hug.

me,  "I know", giving him a big squeeze.
I was the oldest too....and I remember the frustrations of it well.

simple and true.
I wish I could make being the oldest easier.  I try.  I wish I was able to give you all my attention and not be so distracted.

Tonight we are heading into the art studio to have some alone time together.  I hope that will help.
I love you, my sweet (oldest) boy.

the question

2 weeks ago my son, Judson, the "thinker and questioner" asked me

"So Mom, when are you going to get a real job?"

The question came out of nowhere for me.  But, knowing Judson, I bet he has been wondering this for a while.  Comparing my life with other people, other Moms.  Judson doesn't remember the years when he was so small that I HAD to work outside the home. He doesn't remember bring up at 5:30 a.m. to breastfeed him, get ready, get him ready, 45 minute commute one way, drop-off at daycare all to be at the middle school by 7:30.  To which, there were so many mornings I had a crisis waiting for me at my office door.  Back then Andy was in his residency years and cutting back on my hours as a social worker wasn't even an option.  I carried the weight of the health insurance and much needed income.  Of course, this is the story for many, many people, not new at all.

 I found myself in a new position... wanting to explain myself to him.  It was the first time I wanted Judson to be PROUD of me and it was for something exterior.

When you think about it, his frame of reference is that his dad is a doctor, a profession that is greatly respected and admired.  In our culture people are impressed when they hear that....that is just a fact.  They aren't impressed when you say your Mom is.....a Mom.  When your Mom doesn't have a "real job".  It is so very much apart of our culture to place value on people in that way, and it starts young without this Mom even really being aware of it until he posed the question.

There was a time I wanted so badly to be a social worker.  To help others help themselves.  My ultimate dream job was to be a school social worker.  I worked so very hard to finish my Master's in Social Work and find a job as a school social worker.   However, after Judson was born I wanted none of it.  Going back to work when Judson was 12 weeks old felt like torture to me.  I hated everything about it.  It was a real emotional struggle to hand Judson over to the daycare caregiver.  Would they know his needs, his cries...and they couldn't nurse him.  To top it off they also dumped out bottles of my milk that first week because it had separated in the fridge.  That hit me so hard.  All that liquid gold and time pumping, preparing for my child to be thrown away from me down the drain.  It hit me hard back then.  I can still feel it.  That is when I really knew where I wanted to be.

Eventually, the day came when I was able to say good-bye to working as a social worker. I was so ready to say good-bye.  While I know I was a great social worker and I did help many students and families during those early years of motherhood, it wasn't what my heart and soul desired any longer.  When "we" finally finished residency years, it was a relief to be able to focus on motherhood, especially with the demands of Andy's career.

There are days I miss the pay check in my name, the reward of completion of a task or seeing a student or family create positive change in their lives.  At times I miss feeling like a professional....to think people actually use to listen to my opinions, they wanted to know what I thought about a student, family situation or crisis.  But it is also that very pressure that I am glad to let go of.

My kids may not always listen, and they may not think I know anything about anything outside of motherhood right now....but I know I do.  I know that I am planting seeds, nurturing them like no one else can and managing the everyday lives of our family because I want to.  Right now that is exactly where I am, where I want to be "real job or not"  it is the most important role I will ever have.  This also made me wonder is it a job only if you are paid for it?  I don't know that that is true....I think the definition of job is dedicating yourself to a passion, a calling, but it can also be dedicating yourself to a task to be able to support yourself.  Perhaps there are many ways to define it, but in my mind it is something you are responsible for, you hopefully love and need to do for whatever emotional or physical reason.  Ultimately, having the choice to be a stay-at-home mother is one of the gifts in my life I am most grateful for.  That choice alone, which isn't for everyone.  It is is a privilege to be able to be a Mom, to guide a soul through this world, whether you work outside the home or not...it is the REALEST most important job in the world.

So, how did I answer Judson's question, "So Mom, when are you going to get a real job?"
me answering in paraphrase-
"A real job?   (with a surprised giggle)  Well, I do have a job, it is the most important job in the world.  Taking care of all of you, feeding you, teaching you right and wrong.... all the things I do.  I am not paid for it, but it is what I want to be doing.   I use to work as a school social worker (and explained that role a bit) before you were born and when you were little...but now Daddy is able to make enough money so I don't have to and can be a full-time Mommy.  Isn't that lucky?"

Judson, "Yep.   When is the pizza getting here?"

Here is my little questioner....Judson-you always get me thinking.

 How I love you and all of your many, many questions!

Sonic the bearded dragon & photo contest

Juddy's 9th birthday gift has arrived and his name is Sonic.  Not to be confused with the burger or video game character....this is Sonic the Bearded Dragon.  May as well add to the menagerie of animals in the house!  Judson is beyond thrilled and seems ready for the responsibility. And I think he is really pretty cool too.

Judson took this cool photo of Sonic!  Which is being entered with the following photos in the Monroe Arts Center Photo Contest.  See below for Jud and Drew's photos!

Jud's landscape :

Drew's:

The last three all centered around our firepit in Minocqua!

Surprise!

Now that is one surprised 9 year old boy! 

Yesterday we got him good.  Judson celebrated his 9th birthday on July 1st in Minnesota with family and also shared his birthday with his new sister.  Needless to say, he was missing the celebration with friends.  Finally, I was able to pull off a surprise party for him on short notice, via email and phone calls (getting a bit lazy with paper invites these days) and it turned out great!  The day before we had been to "cookie daze" in Ripon, and he and Drew spent the night (Omie's idea!).  Andy and I came home had all kinds of time to get things ready....the pool, all the balloons, etc!  Even the skies opened up so we could have the pool as the center of the party! 

Jud was so surprised that I think his initial response to the big "Surprise" was one of both shock and terror! 

He said, " You could have killed me!"  Good thing he has a young heart!

I heart faces is also having this week's challenge which happens to be "Surprise!"  How perfect.  This isn't a wonderful photograph technically, but I am just glad that balloon didn't land in front of his face as I took it!  I captured that moment of SURPRISE!

 

Double Birthday, Double fun!

July 1st, 2001 & July 1, 2009

Judson & Tessa share a birthday!

On this day Judson opened my eyes and heart as a mother.  I became a mother and my life was forever  changed.  I never knew I could love like this.  Happy Birthday my sweet boy, I love you more than words can say.

A world away our sweet girl was born in Hosanna, Ethiopia.  Of course, we didn't know it, but she had been born in our hearts long before.  We knew our daughter was on her way to us, but didn't know how or when it would be.  Tessa entered the world and made her journey to our family. Happy Birthday sweet girl.  You are a dream, you are a joy.  I am forever grateful that God brought you into our family and that I am your Mama forever. I love you forever.

With Tessa's birthday, I am thinking so much of Tessa's first family.  I send love and gratitude out to Tessa's first family for giving her life and bringing her into this world.  How I wish I could share with them how loved, how safe & healthy, and how happy she is....(I suppose that is why I share it with you.  To send it out into the world.)  How I wish I could give them that peace.

And now for birthday photos of the birthday girl in her birthday tutu.  I couldn't help it...

Brace yourself for tutu crazy cuteness!

the end