fiddlehead.....every changing, ever growing

fiddlehead....ever changing, ever growing

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I will....I will

I will keep every bit of this journey with me. I will. I will keep the joy, the beautiful memories, the pain & sadness and the hope. I will keep
the hope for a better day for Ethiopia. I will. I will.

But at this point in our journey we are feeling VERY ready to go home. Wednesday we spent about 4 hours at the U.S. Embassy here in Addis Ababa. The wait was LONGGGGGG for all of us, but probably even more so for people in our group with toddlers and older children. Here we were interviewed by officials to be sure everything with our adoption is above board. Of course, it is as CHSFS may sure of it. We also process the paperwork to get Tessa's ET
passport and US Visa to enter the USA. There was a glitch...and they said that our passport was not going to be ready until Friday morning. What?! We are flying out at 11:50p.m. on Thursday. The whole group had a little panic about it. But, they said, "We will try out very best to get the passports ready for your children". That is the most we can ask for as they are Ethiopian passports for the children. If we end up not getting them I suppose there will be one more ET blog post, but I am trusting it will all go through.

I trust it will go through...I trust.....oh please let it go through! I want to go home now! now! now! O.K. Little outburst there. So, patience has never been my best quality. (Mom you can stop laughing now!) I really think I am improving as I grow older, but find my impatience creeps up on me and then makes me feel anxious. I am impatient for constant electricity. It will go out at the guest house for a day very commonly and you are left in the dark, with cold water (no water heater). I am impatient for my bed and the comforts of home. You know that feeling you get we you are away and you can wait to be in your own space, your own bed, with all the things that make life easier and just comfortable? That feeling is in full force right now for us. And believe me, I know this feeling is a luxury to have.
To top this impatient feeling off I am missing my boys terribly. I feel like I am carrying this anxious, guilty feeling around being so far away from them and wanting to get home to them. I think the last time I had this feeling was when Jack was born and was hospitalized for 5 days in Madison. I felt so far away from Juddy and Drew, and it was only 45 miles. Now it is thousands of miles and feels even more intense...although that shouldn't be a surprise because everything with this adoption process is intense! Every report from home tells me they are doing just fine. All the preparations I went through paid off. They love their babysitter, Brianna, who is beyond words fantastic in every way and I couldn't trust her more. So, logically...and like Andy...I shouldn't have these feelings, but I sure do despite all of it.

Bob the bulldog is suffering a bit....well, suffering is not the right word at all, especially after witnessing what real suffering is here. Let me rephrase. Bob the bulldog is spoiled. He is use to me being home full time so he can follow me around, go outside when he wants, get lots of snuggles throughout the day. If Bob only new how dogs live here. Well, he never will and all he knows is doggy luxury. So, because he can't yet be trusted in the house at 9 months old, he has to be caged up during the day while Brianna is at work. Most dogs can handle this, but I th
ink it is making Bob a little crazy and then he jumps on the kids and nips at them to play when he gets home, which probably gets him in trouble. Isn't it silly that I am also concerned about my silly little dog? I see this. So, my friends in Monroe have come to the rescue. Our friend, Joe, who is the master of all trades, has picked Bob up for a little R-n-R of his own. I am giggling about this a little, but also glad for Bob and the fact that we won't come home to a crazy dog. ;)

We have had all kinds of time with Tessa, but have felt a little cooped at the guest house since she has been in our care the last couple days. We are not allowed to bring Tessa anywhere in public. It isn't really a rule, but is highly encouraged because it is so culturally inappropriate. From an Ethiopian person's perspective, I imagine seeing an American walking around with one of their children may feel disrespectful for the obvious reasons.

Having all of this time at the guest house has provided us with lots of snuggle time for Tessa who seems to need it. It is a lot of change for her in every respect. At a week old she has been in the care of CHSFS and has rarely left her nursery or her nannies' side. She is now crying for us when we set her down because she just wants to be held close. Perhaps she is scared. Perhaps we are making up for lost time. Perhaps that thumb that is in her mouth constantly has been her only comfort. I can't really know for sure, but everything she is doing seems natural with the changes and the bonding process. She is also a smiley girl. How that smile hits you! That will likely be her weapon of choice in all situations! Mostly, I am trying to relish in the alone time, which I know is fleeting, despite my anxiety to get home.

We are scheduled to leave Addis Ababa in 16 will be a long journey home, but I will feel so much better when we are on our way. I am trusting the passport issue for Tessa will be resolved. I trust. I am hopeful that our travels will be peaceful. I hope. I can't wait to have our family all together. I can't wait. I will carry all of what Ethiopia has shown me in my mind, heart and soul forever. I will. I will.

1 comment:

Rachel said...


Crossing my fingers for you guys with the passports!!! We got home Tuesday and I got to see my dad. We spent a scary day yesterday going back and forth between the pediatrician's office and the ER where they're trying to rule out tons of different things Clementine may have. Once we can get her a clean bill of health, she'll be able to meet my dad. Since her passport was okay, I'm wondering why yours are having problems.... I'll be thinking of you as you make the trip home. I'm warning you - it's the longest trip I've ever made!!! It seemed SOOO much longer on the way home!!! Would love to catch up once you're settled at home with sweet Tessa. If you get this before you leave, say hello to everyone for us! I still can't believe we were in Ethiopia just a few days ago.


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