Wednesday, November 3, 2010
8 months & 8 months
Tessa was 8 months old when we brought her home and into our family's life forever. For 8 months she had a journey without us....there was loss, changes and her ability to thrive in her environment. We didn't even know of her until she was 10 weeks old. I wish I had more to give her from those first 8 months. I do know she was loved and cared for well at the care center. I also know that in that time she was resilient and left as healthy as possible. She hadn't bonded to any one person, but she was loved and cared for.
8 months home....she has been loved and care for by us for 8 months. At first I was a nanny to her. I am sure of it. But really, it was her only frame of reference "People care for me, but I don't have one person". I felt her emotional distance in many ways, it was intense and painful. I was so ready to love her and be loved. But it was going to take time. I knew it would be different than my experiences with my birth sons, but you never know what it will feel like until you are in it. With time, consistency and lots of love, touch and care the bond started. It grew, and grew. She began to reach for me, want to be comforted by me. All beautiful signs of such an important developmental and lifelong skill....attachment. It is complicated, but aren't all things that are this important!? Being able to trust, to love and be loved. We are there now....it is growing everyday. I still look for the signs that she is giving me that say "I need you" and look for the moments when she seems distant. Those distant moments seem fewer.
Our sweet girl is growing, changing all too quickly. Babyhood with Tessa went so fast, she is a full on toddler now who loves to explore. Actually, that basically all she does when she isn't restrained in a car seat or high chair now that I think about it. I have emptied drawers to prevent some of her messes and moved dangers out of the way. She has the most infectious little smile and laugh. Her beauty is really stunning. Tessa feels things intensely....yep, she has a temper! She is a wonderful little soul, who we feel blessed to be guiding in this world.