good-bye Felix

Grieve not,

nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.

I loved you so

it was heaven here with you.

-Isla Paschal Richardson

Tonight out sweet cat, Felix, left this world.   

We surrounded him.....comforted him.

So thankful he had come home to be with us.  That he waited for us to come home tonight before his sweet spirit left this world.

Felix's life was a short life....but a special one.  

2 years ago our friend found Felix and his sister on the median of the highway near our house.  

It was days after we had lost our dog, Blue.   I saw them and new they weren't going to the Humane Society.  My heart was hurting from the loss of our dog and those kittens came home and filled our heavy hearts.

They were wild kittens, only a few weeks old, very hungry and very sick.  

We nursed them back to health.   His sister went home to live with our neighbors and Felix to live with us.

He was so small, so sweet and spunky.  He loved the kids...loved them so much he would always let them hold him, slept with them.  He was the kind of cat that rubbed your leg and would roll over in front of you so you could scratch his belly.   He was the kind of cat that followed us around the yard and when we would go on walks.   He was the kind of cat that was a bottomless pit....could never fill that belly.  And his belly showed it.   He loved to play with Bob the bulldog.   His favorite sleeping spot was in bed with Judson.

Recently, he had been using the new carpet as a litter box and became a "garage kitty".  

That is, his box and food were in the garage.

He loved being outside for his "kitty adventures", but he was always stayed close.   Rarely gone long enough to miss a meal.
Then a few days ago he had been been gone a couple days, hadn't been coming home for food.  

Not like him.   

I knew something was wrong.
It was.  Yesterday came home so lethargic.  So weak.  

Now I believe he had come home to be with us.  

I brought him into the vet this morning.  He was terribly anemic.  His level was a 10.....VERY low.  The vet said his blood was like water.  Normal level is 28.   So we decided to attack this with meds and force fed him.   The diagnosis is likely "Hemobart".   I have never heard of it....but it attacks the blood cells.   He could have contracted this disease from a flea or a bite from another cat.   

12 hours after the vet appointment, 2 doses of meds and force feedings, it was clear it was too late to stop this disease.  

We were all with him....surrounded him with our love.   Said good-bye to our sweet kitty.
too soon to go, but in his short life gave us so many memories, so much love.
The boys loved you so much....their hearts are hurting...  
all of our hearts are.
Felix the cat.... you will be missed forever and remembered always.

+ 10

I stood on my bath scale tonight.   +10.   yep, there it is!
Ugh....I am so frustrated.  And since this is where I share all the good stuff, I am also going to share the downer of the day.  I am +10 and it ticks me off.  I have gained 10 pounds since my ruptured disk, which was in early May.  I am so mad that I let this happen.  Ugh.  Before I injured my back I was really doing well in taking good care of myself.  I had been eating well, drinking protein shakes, getting my workouts in and was 10 pounds lighter.  I felt good and my clothes were fitting better.   Then the back injury and the exercise was put on hold, even daily activity was limited.  So, here I am 10 pounds heavier...and so mad that my indulgences got the best of me.   I know what I did, too little movement while I ate whatever I felt like since I was hurting.   Not hard to see that, but now I need to take off the chunk and that won't be any fun.   Since I am so mad about my body right now I am going to use that number "10" and say out loud 10 positive things about gaining10 pounds.
1.   Lots of rest in bed= no calorie burn
2.   Eatting ice cream at night
3.   I enjoyed being told not exercise at all.  None. Zippo...Zilch.
4.  even though I gaing 10, I can now feel my left leg because of the successful back surgery
5.   I caught up on all my DVR'd shows and reality t.v......I swear those shows make you gain.
6.  Pretty much eatting anything I wanted, which I obviously enjoy
7.  snuggling in bed with my dog, kitty cat and kiddos
8.   My boobs got bigger
9.  At least I am not pregnant.
10.  There is more of me to love

There it is.....I am back on track today.  The Dr. has given me the go ahead to start exercising slowly.  I am grateful for my health.  I am grateful that the surgery was totally successful.   And I am grateful that I know how to lose it, just mad that I have to do it again.

water jump!

summer fun= water

This shot is one of my favorites from a "cousins" photo session last week.

cousins....oldest to youngest jumping into their grandparent's pool= summer fun & memories!

i heart faces: water photo challenge

birthday love.

It's my 38th birthday.....  I am excited for this new year in life and oh, so grateful for it.  

This birthday greeting from my sweet, dear friend Margo just arrived.  How lucky I am to have love in my life.  And this reading says it all.....Had to share it because I love it sooo much and feel so surrounded in love today.

	July 19th 2011 "The Lessons ARE Love..."- Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie. Reading for today, July 19th... Lessons of love, that's what they are. We usually don't know what the lesson is while we're learning it.  Maybe we're not supposed to.  Besides, if we knew it, really knew it, we wouldn't need to learn it.  We'd already be practicing it in our daily lives. But even when we don't know what the lesson is, we can know one thing: it's a lesson of love. Courage.  Faith.  Patience.  Loving yourself when it looks and feels like nobody else cares. Starting over again one more time, even though we feel like we have started over more times they anyone should have to.  Forgiveness.  Compassion.  Gentleness.  Joy.  Each of these is a lesson of love. For many of us, the problem isn't that we haven't had love in our lives before.  The issue is that we haven't understood love.  Know this: not only are the lessons about love, the lessons themselves ARE love. So feel your feelings.  Struggle through your situations and experiences and emotions.  The struggle to learn isn't incidental to your purpose.  It's an integral part OF your purpose, your destiny, your reason for being.  Go through your moments of darkness and confusion, and trust that the light will come.  Through it all, rest in one thought: you're on track.  You're on your path.  You're connected to love. You're connected to God.  And the lessons you're learning are lessons of love. Thank you, for all my lessons of love through our friendship.  You might be the most important teacher in my life, other than Oprah of course. :) Happy Birthday, I love you so much, my soul friend. xoxo M

tattoo or not to tattoo?

I have been thinking a lot lately about getting a tattoo....

the impulse to do this has been many years in the making.  College came and went with the impulse and thank goodness I didn't act on it during some raging night out on the town. I am glad I didn't get one during that period, precisely because I didn't know myself well enough.  If I had I would have a sunflower or shamrock or Bucky Badger on my body....and would either be cursing it or probably would have had it removed by now.

Today it is a different story.  I really do know who I am, and I have a strong desire to capture my feeling about my family in art on my body.   Of course, I already have my baby tattoos, aka... "stretch marks".   I have embraced those as a mark on my body signifying motherhood.   But now that our family is complete I want to create a design of my own.  I am imagining something with fiddleheads or a very organic shapes respresenting our family.

I like these henna inspired shapes (especially the 1st and 7th), but would design something myself for 4 children to be represented.

And of course, I LOVE fiddleheads....what they represent- growth, change, evolving, and togetherness

...how they re-emerge every spring and represent hope.

I imagine something small, feminine and beautiful.  Mostly, it needs to be something I love so much I want to live with it forever.  It must also be on a place on my body that is less likely to sag, or wrinkle or be totally obvious.   So, I am thinking on the inside of my ankle or foot.

I don't know what I will do with this feeling.  It has come and gone over the last 20 years. 

I think the feeling to get this tattoo has become so strong at this point in my life because I feel so secure with my myself, my life, my creativity, my motherhood.

My husband isn't crazy about the idea.....said "its a little trashy" (coming from a guy with a small fraternity tattoo on his foot from his college days).  But that comment does have me thinking.  I'd like his support.  And that other people will think "trashy" too- do I care?  Maybe I do a little.   But honestly, if I do go for the tattoo I am not thinking about other people, it isn't about them or for anyone but myself. This is a personal expression on my body.  

One that would be an expression of my love for my family.  And to me that is lovely.

There it is.  

tattoo or not to tattoo

so sweet...

 so sweet.

such a sweet shot of our babes sharing a birthday.....8 years apart.   life is sweet.

YoGabbaGabba love....

Tessa is a "Yo Gabba Gabba" girl....she loves. that. show.  LOVES.  

That expression says it all!  And you can see she is saying "Yoooo Gabba Gabba!"

For her 2nd birthday Tessa received the ultimate in Yo Gabba Gabba merchandise.  

There is the Yo Gabba Gabba boom box!  

I am afraid nothing else existed or mattered after this gift!

Below is Tessa sporting her D.J. Lance wears-(a fab gift from Omie & Opie)! 

 I mean it is fuzzy and bright orange and plays music and games when you push the star!   

Why wouldn't one want to wear it?!

Tessa totally digs DJ Lance....

 And then from Mommy and Daddy... a Brobee costume!  Perfect for when you want to jam out and dance like Brobee.  And the perfect costume for Halloween!  Mommy is always thinking!  
Our sweet girl is 2....she loves Yo Gabba Gabba, but I think she loves the fun of it, the colors, the music and dancing.  It is just plain fun for a 2 year old!

If you have a 2 year old.....and aren't opposed to a half an hour of t.v. good music, dancing and funny characters with funny names...then I highly recommend Yo Gabba Gabba.    We have it recording on our DVR so there is always a show there when she needs a break or when I do.  Just being honest.  Sometimes I love Yo Gabba Gabba because I get 30 minutes of Tessa being still and happy so I can do stuff like this. There is something to it....  there is some serious Yo Gabba Gabba love in our home!