more, more

 This post is overdue.  I have been waiting until the time felt right to write about rocking with my sweet girl.   "The Rockin' Mama Challenge"  was just the nudge I needed to start to commit to rocking together.  We had been rocking from the beginning of our arrival home, now just a year ago, but I wanted to take it to the next level.


A year ago, Tessa had difficulty making eye contact.  She didn't want to be held close and would feel restless.  There were times she would fall asleep in my arms out of exhaustion, but not from being soothed.  More than anything, she would want to suck her thumb and look away.  I could feel her distance, I could feel her pain and my heart was breaking.  

The thumb sucking was a big sign to me that I needed to teach her that I could soothe her.  That she could trust me to care for her, meets her needs, make her feel at ease.  The thumb sucking was so habitual that when she came home she wanted to suck her thumb so much that she would take a spoonful of babyfood and then insert her thumb.  It was the only mechanism she had to soothe herself.   Rocking became apart of the process of building the trust, growing our attachment and ultimately letting go of the thumb.  


There were times when we rocked that I would tuck her left arm away so she would be unable to get to her thumb.  I would distract her from her thumb with "itsy bitsy spider" and the same songs over and over.... "you are my sunshine", "I love you yes I do, "Rainbow connection", and "night, night, Tessa..it's time to say night, night".  She began making eye contact, smiling, listening more and more. Sometimes if she looked away I would stop singing and then as soon as she re-engaged eye contact again I would happily start right where I left off.   Over time, this became our special routine, so much so that now she will say "more, more" when I stop.  more...more, and so I go again.   

This photo is a self-portrait with a mirror...see the camera on our rocking chair?  The mirror on her closet is perfectly positioned across from the rocking chair.  I can't tell you how many times I was able to make eye contact with her through that mirror when direct eye contact was too much for her.  I could watch her and she could watch me.   The mirror is such a special part of our rocking that we so enjoy.  

She will be all snuggled in, watching "us", we will watch each other.

Tonight I am certain I wanted to write this post because Tessa didn't once reach for her thumb as we rocked.   Tonight she snuggled in tight to me ready to start rocking....it was the best feeling.

We rocked, looking at each other in the mirror.  

Then she leaned back into the side of my arm to look directly in my eyes and said song, song.  

I sang all of our songs, she listened, watched, smiled...she then said, "more, more".

Later she closed her eyes and began her little squinting game.  She peeks out of her eyes just a bit to see if I am watching.  This fun little game that she has created.  I smile big every time I see her peeking out at me.  She has the best little, happy, content smile coming back at me as she squints her eyes.  

We keep rocking.  

The squinting game turns to sleepiness.  She still hasn't wanted her thumb.  

She falls asleep in my arms and is calm, content....and so am I.  

And I say..."more, more".

rockin-mama-challenge

era of the diaper

7-1-2001....marks the first day of the diaper era.  I am unsure when this era will end....but am hoping for 2012.  During this era, Mr. Diaper Genie has been a fixture in our home.  Mr. Diaper Genie has seen LOTS of poo and pee-pee filled diapers.  Here I refer to him as Mr. Diaper Genie because he commands respect.  If you contained diapers day in and day out until you should command respect too.

Recently, I saw the hubby walked a poo filled diaper out of the nursery, away from Mr. Diaper Genie, to grab a bag and go to the garbage can.  I asked myself, "Why isn't he using Mr. Diaper Genie?"  hmmm....

It was a few days later that Mr. Diaper Genie needed to be emptied out.  And so I asked hubby to do it, in part because he hadn't changed a nasty diaper in a while and I felt it was "the least" he could do (I am aware of the passive aggressive nature of this).  So, when I got that doubtful "sure I can" look from him, a bolt of shock ran through my body!  I came into the sudden realization that hubby didn't dislike using the convenient Mr. Diaper Genie.  No.  He just didn't know how to use him....after almost 10 years!   Then second shock wave. Hubby had NEVER....that's right.....NEVER changed Mr. Diaper Genie.   Oh my goodness, how did this happen?!!!  He didn't know how to empty him and reinsert the lining after almost 10 years of Mr. Diaper Genie gracefully containing poo in our home!  seriously?  How had I not noticed this until now?   (classic denial.)

My immediate response, while not the best for a relationship, was (surprise, surprise) confrontation.
Me, "You don't know how to change the Diaper Genie.  Do.  You."  not a question.   a statement
Hubby, "I am sure I could".
Me, "So, your telling me you NEVER have?"
Hubby, "I don't think so".
Me (in my head...."how is this possible"   What the %*&%?)  and then out loud "WHAT!"
Then I went on to challenge him to figure out how to change Mr. Diaper Genie.  Yes, I did.

I did this because I was ticked off.  I did this because I have had my own share of conflict with Mr. Diaper Genie over the years.  Sometimes he is just difficult, but somehow I always get him to work and hold the poo.  But somehow, I was convinced that my highly-intelligent husband, whom everyday saves lives performing surgeries and heals patients, would be unable to solve the puzzle of the Mr. Diaper Genie.

I doubt, that you are surprised to learn that hubby never went in to the nursery and tackled the puzzle that is Mr. Diaper Genie.  Because of course, I ended up being the one to stuff the very last diaper in.

I am not trying to start something here or be passive aggressive.  I  have decided to drop the diaper genie debate (if it is even a debate) and accept the situation for what it is.   The realization that at times we have   incredibly traditional roles.  It hurt a little even though this is the life we have both created by choice.  Somehow, I felt alone in my solo relationship with Mr. Diaper Genie.

Hubby (probably, I hope) can't work Mr. Diaper Genie.....and to be honest, when I think about it there is plenty that I don't or can't "do" that is in his "domain".   Mr. John Deere, his beloved lawn tractor, is a perfect example (as much as I hate to admit it).  Although, I am sure I could mow the lawn, plow the snow with Mr. John Deere, if I really WANTED to and HAD to.  That is the kicker.....he doesn't want to and hasn't HAD to work with Mr. Diaper Genie because I am here doing it.  I do want to be the one here doing all these things, but I can now say that I am officially ready to say good-bye to diapers, my relationship with Mr. Diaper Genie and the era of the diaper.

Who knows, maybe this summer I will surprise Andy and he will come home to a beautifully manicured lawn courtesy of me.  Just have to get a private lesson on how to drive the tractor.

But really, what would that prove?  That I want to do more work around here? no, no, and no.

It would prove that we can cross the lines of our traditional roles.  I am not sure I need to do this, but it is something to think about.  ;)

Simple Beauty....a photo challenge

a photo challenge day....

Fuschia from our daughter's home land, Ethiopia. This photo taken just a year ago represents the beauty of adoption, the love, and how much it has blossomed.

Simplicity photography challenge: macro

Then I realized that this shot of the beautiful fuschia may not be child centered enough and ineligible for the paper mama photo challenge.

So, I am adding another shot from Ethiopia.  This shot was taken from the window of the bus, where I took in as much of ET as I possibly could.   I made eye contact with this lovely Ethiopian girl walking in the street, she shot me this gorgeous smile....
what I love about it is that she isn't posing.  she didn't get ready to have a photo taken....she lives in Addis Ababa and those luxuries aren't even a thought.  Who knows what her life circumstances are, but she is radiating such beauty.  so simply.
I love this shot so much...that I am sharing the unedited version of the photo, to further emphasize her  simple beauty.

the paper mama photo challenge    project 64:scarlet
 
grace loves the beatles


And isn't this simply beautiful?   Jack created this cookie creation at "Cookie Daze" last summer.
For the Trendy Treehouse Shutter Love: Cookie!

jebana

My most recent painting of the "jebana", an Ethiopian coffee pot, at the traditional coffee ceremony in Ethiopia.

below is excerpt from an article from Epicurean.com written by Emily Doyle:
Epicurean Ethiopian coffee article

Ethiopia's coffee ceremony is an integral part of their social and cultural life. An invitation to attend a coffee ceremony is considered a mark of friendship or respect and is an excellent example of Ethiopian hospitality. Performing the ceremony is almost obligatory in the presence of a visitor, whatever the time of day. Don't be in a hurry though - this special ceremony can take a few hours. So sit back and enjoy because it is most definitely not instant.Ethiopian homage to coffee is sometimes ornate, and always beautifully ceremonial. The ceremony is usually conducted by one young woman, dressed in the traditional Ethiopian costume of a white dress with coloured woven borders. The long involved process starts with the ceremonial apparatus being arranged upon a bed of long scented grasses. The roasting of the coffee beans is done in a flat pan over a tiny charcoal stove, the pungent smell mingling with the heady scent of incense that is always burned during the ceremony. The lady who is conducting the ceremony gently washes a handful of coffee beans on the heated pan, then stirs and shakes the husks away. When the coffee beans have turned black and shining and the aromatic oil is coaxed out of them, they are ground by a pestle and a long handled mortar. Theground coffee is slowly stirred into the black clay coffee pot locally known as 'jebena', which is round at the bottom with a straw lid. Due to the archaic method used by Ethiopians, the ground result can be called anything but even, so the coffee is strained through a fine sieve several times. The youngest child is then sent out to announce when it is to be served and stands ready to bring a cup of coffee first to the eldest in the room and then to the others, connecting all the generations. The lady finally serves the coffee in tiny china cups to her family, friends and neighbours who have waited and watched the procedure for the past half-hour. Gracefully pouring a thin golden stream of coffee into each little cup from a height of one foot without an interruption requires years of practice

scavenger hunt Sunday

Sunday Scavenger Hunt:

This week's collection of photos are a reflection of the past week in my life....through my lens.

1.  Diptych 

If you have ever loved a dog you know the sadness of losing this beloved part of your family.  

Lucy was my best friend's companion, friend and first child in so many ways.

I will remember you as a puppy, your big paws, zest and excitement for life.  How cute you and Porter the pug were playing together.   I will remember all the walks during our visits.   

I will remember how you would follow me around the house.

 I will remember you swimming in our pool.

How you loved your visits to the country where you became a country dog chasing  

wild turkeys and squirrels in the yard.  

I will remember your soulful, loving eyes and how they spoke to all of us who knew you.  

I will remember your love for your mama, your protective, loving spirit and loyalty.

2.  Book

Recently my dear friend, Margo (above with Lucy), was apart of the XM radio Oprah Soul Series with Mark Nepo, the author of The Book of Awakening.  Margo is the yoga teacher Oprah speaks of that gave the book to the Oprah's assistant, one of Margo's yoga students who later gifted it to Oprah.  The rest is history.  It is through sharing this book, that is both inspired and inspiring, that lead to this book becoming a major best seller, and more importantly a book that will undoubtedly touch many, many lives.  Including my own.

notice the dust.....  clearly I have been falling asleep before I can crack open my "book of awakening"!

3.  Fill in the Blank: When I think about how ____ is in the _____, I just have to ____.

When I think about how Drew pretended he was a dog  in the window, I just have to laugh out loud!

4.  A Taste of Italy 

This week I hit the bargain of the century...this Michael Kors Italian Leather Jacket....original price $375.....my price after discounts =$56.  Yep, that's right.   Just the taste of Italy I was needing!

And so with such savings, I splurged on these spectacular Italian shoes... painful, but gorgeous.

5.  Reminders 

Here in WI....    This is what democracy looks like.

scavenger hunt sunday

civics lesson Madison style

Today was a day to take a field trip to embrace democracy...and cookies.  

We are only 35 miles south of Madison....and unless you haven't seen the news lately, there is a great deal of political "issues" going on regarding teachers/state workers rights and union bargaining.

I am not getting into all of it here because this post is about teaching our kids about democracy and supporting the teachers they love.  

The teachers we love, who are so dedicated and who keep our WI educational one of the strongest in the nation.  I have been a school social worker and apart of the teachers union.  I have worked side by side with teachers and school staff.  I have teachers and staff in my family.   I have 4 children who are all public school students.  I have many friends who work in the schools as teachers and staff.  

I support them all and want the best for our educational system.

My friend Marcie and I have been wanting to support the cause, our teachers and 

also give our older children a great real life civics lesson!   

So, we took our oldest 4 children (1st & 3rd graders)

 straight to our state capitol for a real life lesson in democracy.   

Signs in hands and cookies in our baskets with notes saying:

 "We are smart cookies.   We love our teachers.  Thank you for all you do. We support you!"

 Arriving at the capitol we noticed that it was much calmer than a couple weeks ago when 100,000 people were rallying.  However, there were all kinds of examples of democracy strolling around the capitol.   People representing many state workers and union groups (fire fighters, carpenters, nurses, the arts, and of course teachers).

 As we approached the main capitol entrance we saw a crowd, speakers and many different signs or support and of protest.   A perfect stop to take it all in and start sharing our cookies of support!  Some supporters also wanted photos with the kids, their signs and cookies.  ;)

It was peaceful rallying.  Speakers, drums, some chanting, lots of people mingling.  

As we walked along we talk with the kids about how great it is that we are fortunate enough to live in a country in which we can express ourselves.  Express our ideas openly, without fear of the government and how there are places in the world where it isn't safe to do so.  

This is what democracy looks like!    (I love this sign)

The capitol doors were closed.  Bummer. I would have loved to show the kids the inside of the beautiful capitol and all the signs all over the walls.  But there were post-it notes all over the doors expressing ideas.  I love that blue post-it "keep out struggle peaceful".

 *proud mama alert*

Judson had found a piece of chalk and wrote this all on his own....  

"think of the KIDS!"   Yep, that's my boy.

 The kids got the hang of this rallying business.  

But, they better not try this at home.  

 Democracy doesn't always live here.....;)   We all know who rules around here.   

tee hee....I couldn't resist.

 I like this sign too....it does feel like a movement in progress.

The kids all took in the messages, ideas and democracry in action.  I was so proud to see them take it seriously and learn about the process.   I do hope it is a memory they carry for a lifetime.

  They loved supporting their teachers and all talked about how they love their teachers, past and present.   

And of course, after all that cookie support, we had to take a cookie break.

We love our teachers.  

We love democracy and our country.

And we love cookies.

paper mama photo challenge: movement

paper mama photo challenge:  movement

Pops taking Tessa for a ride.   Can you tell he loves it as much as she does?!

Pops gives the best rides ever....and I know from years of little girl experience.   

He is also the best Pops ever...and this may be my all time favorite Pops photo...e.v.e.r.

the paper mama photo challenge: movement