One year and waiting...

One year and waiting for our sweet girl.  It has actually been longer, but it is "officially" one year since we were added to the "list" at the adoption agency.  So many feelings and thoughts are going through my mind..."I know she is out there",  "She must be born",  "What is her first family going through?",  "Is she being cared for and loved?", "Is someone giving her everything she needs?"...and the list goes on.  Many unanswered questions.  My heart always feels heavy in knowing that our daughter and her birth family will have to go through a great loss in order for us to be united with our sweet girl.  It goes without saying...but I feel it should be said and acknowledged.  Our specialist at the agency has given us a heads up that we could get the call anytime between now and the next month and a half.  With that whenever the phone rings I think it could be CHSFS calling with our referral.  I am trying to stay busy and distract myself, but that is also in conflict with my desire to be connected to this process...the good and bad.  So, I am in the middle of that, some days I do better with distracting and other days I do better with connecting.  The phone just rang...Margo...not CHSFS.  See?!  It stops me in my tracks.  ;)  

I took this photo of my beloved orchids that Andy brought home as a surprise for me...likely to bring me joy while we continue to wait for our sweet girl.