what a pain

I assure you I haven't fallen off the planet.....
just dealing with awful back pain.   it stinks. bad.

I have been babying my lower back for a good 10 months.   Actually, a few months after Tessa arrived home my lower back was bothering me.  I had been carrying Tessa a lot in baby wrap....which I loved.   I found myself holding her a lot, especially in my efforts to bond with her.  All the while the back was aching.....  I have likely had this weak spot for some time before Tessa came home, but it just aggravated it.

I have been stretching, exercising, going to see a wonderful Chiropractor all in efforts to keep this from progressing.

Then 4 days ago, as the trees are blooming and allergens are flying..... I sneezed.  It came so fast I couldn't brace my back for it.  OUCH- "ouch" doesn't really express the pain....it was more like
$%^#$%^@$!  yep...insert expletives.

For days I was just in tears.  Couldn't find relief.  Couldn't sleep.  Couldn't function.  mommy needs to function.   The pain left me feeling so vulnerable, frustrated and scared it wouldn't go away.

Thankfully it has dissipated a bit.   Ibuprofen is my new constant companion.    There have also been some heavy hitters in the RX department, but they aren't as effective as you would think.

Most everyone I have spoken to (Chiropractor, my husband who is a Dr, and a rhuemtologist) is in agreement that I am at the point that I need an MRI to confirm this is a herniated disk.   I was so frustrated to go see my general Dr. to get the order for the MRI and have him tell me he would like to take a "conservative approach".   Of course, I am not walking in there asking for surgery or even a shot to kill the pain.   Isn't waiting 10 months to come see him for medication of any sort conservative?  Isn't stretching, carefully exercising, doing yoga and seeing a Chiropractor to manage the discomfort I was having in my back conservative?   how is throwing a bunch of meds at this conservative?   And they are all meds that I couldn't take during the day because they cause so much drowsiness.....that isn't going to help me when I need to function during the daytime hours.

I want and need to know what is happening in my back.   I want to know what the options are if this pain continues and how to rehabilitate my back.   My Dr. tried to talk me out of the MRI and instead suggested a list of pain meds, benzos and muscle relaxers.  I had my choice, which frankly surprised me as someone that has seen what can happen to people with addictions to pain meds (worked at a methadone clinic...yikes)   But shouldn't we know exactly what we are throwing medications, HEAVY medications at first?   Very disappointing.  That said, I did walk out with the order for the MRI.   One week I will know what is really going on in my back.

I am in bed as I type this.  pillows behind my back and under my knees.   The pain is there.  It has been an hour since I took the heavy meds and I don't feel a difference...at all.  I am just hoping they will at least help me sleep.   We shall see.  In the meantime, I am thinking about what it is for others to live with pain.  real pain that never ceases....all the different kinds.  pain of the heart, the mind, the body.

How I do hope this is a short-term health problem....for now I am hopeful that it will cease.   And I am staying with how truly grateful I am to have access to healthcare to take care of this issue. truly. grateful.

Packer love....

So, I am a little behind.  It happens.  But I have wanted to share these photos of a day we went to Lambeau field.  Andy has wanted to take the kids there for a tour for a while.....even I found it interesting to hear about the history of the team, the field and the spirit of all things Packer.

The tunnel where the Packers run onto the field!

There it is from Lambeau....heart of all things Packers and Wisconsinites.

stencil love....

I have a not-so-secret love for stencils....but please, not the bows, duck and goose country-type.  Oh no, that is so 80's!  Don't get that idea when you think of a stencil, today the options are beautiful, modern and stunning.   I am hopelessly in love with what a much more modern stencil can do for one's home.   In fact, I have to restrain myself from over-stencilling my home.

I have had the recent good fortune of being asked by a dear friend to paint the stencils below in her new home.  I love this sort of thing so, of course, I jumped at it.  But that means I had to practice these stencils in my own home first.  It really is a win-win....I get these gorgeous stencils in my space and I did work out the kinks (can be a little tricky around edges and corners) in the stenciling process.

Now, for what you have been waiting for:

"stencil love"
 the beginning of the stenciling process on the lucky wall in my kitchen.

Oh yeah, baby....

It is oh so satisifying....

The finished product with frames back in place.  Now the wall sings!!!!

And now brace yourself for the guest bedroom makeover......
(I was so excited I forgot to get a before shot.  Just imagine the sad, simple wall)

Now it is totally awesome.  Dare I say, stunning!
I love the warm gray color (Gibraltar Gray-Pittsburg paint) on top of the light blue (Blue shamrock- pittsburgh paint)

stencil....how I love thee, let me count the ways....
i love how rich you look.  i love that you don't overpower a space (when done correctly) but create a point of interest.  i love how you are a little dramatic and complicated.  i love that you express my personality.  i love that you are not wallpaper.  i love you dear stencils...and I am not done with you.

***These stencils were ordered from cutting edge stencils   ****
check out their awesomeness!

Scavenger hunt

1.  time

2.  poetry

I love this quote...love it.  for all my babies.

3.  outside

spring clean-up....and the boys loving the leaf blower!

4.  zoom

zooming across the yard in this contraption!

5.  isolation

cleaning some smores off that cute face...

look at that face!

For many people who meet Tessa it is hard to imagine that her seriously adorable face could be anything but angelic and delightful.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but Tessa has indeed mastered the fine art of 2 important skills in becoming a strong woman and at quite a young age. (And completely quite on her own)

You see, to become a strong, independent woman in the world, who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it, you need these 2 fundamental skills:

#1.   A serious mad face.  And not an ordinary mad face.  Oh no, it needs to mean something and you must be able to pull it out at any moment.

#2.  A powerful "NO" that is available and ready to go at any moments notice.

I assure you Tessa has this skill set down (see video below!).  I am pretty sure I am not going to have to worry about this little girl being pushed into anything.  

I happen to know there are certain people (you know who you are) reading this and laughing as they are nodding their heads delighting in the universal law of karma.  That is what energy you send out into the universe you will be returned to you.

So, while Tessa and I are not related by any genetic connection, I am fairly certain the powers that be, thought it was only appropriate that we share some important personality traits.

I am not really sure what else to say about that, except God help me....

You have to see this video of Tessa showing us her "mad face".   It is hysterical!   And frankly, to me, a little frightening.
Check this out!

the wind blows- i heart faces

It is spring and that means we have emerged from our cave and been outside A LOT....as much as we can, and have been cleaning up what we neglected last fall.   But with spring yard clean up come the leaf blower....and that means motorized wind fun!  The kids love it when their Daddy pulls this out and tries to blow them over!

can't you just see how much fun this is for Jack!?

www.iheartfaces.com

Hope Tucked Away....

There is something so wonderful about this quote 

by Jennifer Selig (from her book Thinking Outside The Church). 

I think it speaks to both our human nature and holding onto one's hope.  I just love it.

"Hope Blossoms"  mixed media triptych 

each 6"x6"  created for the Freeport Art Museum's Mini-Masterpiece Exhibit

May 6th, 2011

To me this piece is about the hope we all hold.  The blossoms are literally sharing this message.  These pieces were truly evolved over time.  I used many papers I have been saving for years to create the dimension and heavy texture.  Also used Swaziland postage stamps to send a message or a postcard about hope to the viewer.  I have a collection of stamps that I acquired for the "Message from Swaziland" series.  These hope blossoms represent my hope I witnessed while on my journey to their for AIDS Walk Africa in the summer of 2008....I will always keep that hope in my hope chest.

Here is that wonderful quote if it was difficult to read in the piece:

"Inside all of our chests there lies hope tucked away.
Some hopes are buried deep at the bottom of those chests, for they have been there forever,
but other hops are new, afterthoughts almost, placed on top for easy removal
in case they should be replaced by new hopes.

Some people keep their hope chest locked up because they feel too vulnerable to reveal their contents,
but others will give you the key or open it for you and invite you to look inside.

There, if you examine the content of their hope chest with gentle eyes,
you'll see revealed the magnitude of their spirit, because there is a sacred marriage
between the human spirit and hope."
-J.L. Selig