the fiddlehead report...a day in the life of the Rikkers

In Guatemala.....

2012-01-26T08:16:00.000-08:00

*photos to be added later....they will be amazing once I get them downloaded!*

Today I write from Guatemala City, Guatemala....
To jet off to a foreign locale is not a normal occurence for me, although I wish it were!
But when you are invited to see the county of your wonderful friend you don't say no!
That should be a rule...never say no to a guided tour of anyone's country.

I am so grateful...and even more grateful that I brought my oldest with me to join in on the journey.   With a family of 4 children, to have alone time with one of them is really a treasure. It is my hope that Judson will look back on this time with a sense of adventure, exploration and remember us just being together.

After arriving in Guatemala we had "Pollo Campero" which is a famous restaurant here. You see them everywhere and I can see why. I don't want to insult Pollo Campero by comparing it to KFC, but it is similar only much more delicious! *My diet starts when I return* Until then I eat!
Then it was time to recover from a night of no sleep and all travel.    Getting a nap in was a good choice, because then it was time to go to El Portal del Angel. click that link to see just how AMAZING it is!  This restaurant overlooks the Guatemala City, on top of mountains, and it is simply breathtaking. Not to mention the restaurant itself. A very special welcome to Guatemala!

Day 2- Antiqua
OMG this town is amazing. Only a 45 minute drive from Guatemala City. The drive alone is an adventure, but a beautiful one through the mountains. Driving here is a real skill, and we are in the good hands of Karin's brother.   Arriving in Antiqua, formerly Guatemala's Capital city, you first see the incredible picture book beauty of this place. From the greenery, to the centuries old buildings, the stone streets, the old wooden doors, the vibrant colors of the buildings all around. It is simply a treasure and I feel in love with this city.   Karin said that we would see more Americans in Antiqua than Guatemalans, this is true and I totally see why. It is gorgeous, full of history, very safe and built around maintaining the integrity of the city. Who wouldn't want to visit, live there or retire there!? yes, please.

To truly embrace the city we went on a 3 hour long city tour by an American, Elizabeth Bell, who has lived in the city since 1969. She was incredibly knowledgable about all things Antiqua, the culture, the buildings, and is equally involved in improving the lives of Guatemalan people.   It was a tour to city hall, the current cathedral, the ruins of another majestic cathedral that was destroyed hundreds of years ago in an earthquake, a visit to a Jade company that preserves the art of Mayan culture's immortal jade, an a visit to the local art and archeological museums, that are really a site to see.

After our tour we hopped on a bus up the mountain to a wonderful restaurant called "the fork".   It was italian and simply delicious! Juddy was so excited to have cheese pizza, which he could live on. The restaurant was surrounded by the most amazing gardens filled with sculptures overlooking the valley and the volcan de agua- a volcano with a lake at the top- in the distance. Gorgeous!

Then it was time for a short drive to San Antonio Aguas Calientes , a Mayan community full of artisans. The artisans, preserve their art and support their community through these amazing textiles, hand weaved on looms. Of course, I did what I could to support the local economy!   A wonderful Mayan woman, named Sonya, invited me in to her shop to dress me as a traditional Mayan woman. The clothes were beautiful, rich in color, and quite heavy, she even had me carrying a blanket on top of my head.

What a very special day full of culture and beauty- more to come...

love photo session

2012-01-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

Can't resist sharing a little bit of an engagemnt photo session with a wonderful couple....

Allison & Kyle

They are in love.....

They want to be together forever and say....

Can't you just feel how excited they are to start their life together?!

May you always feel the warmth of your love in your heart!!

a place in time

2012-01-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

Today my mind is going to a very different place in history that I have only known through history books and images on t.v. A place in time in which I have not lived, but holds the roots, the legacy of racism and inequality.

And while I have not lived in that time, or known such hatred and inequality, I believe we must know where we have been as a culture, as a country, as people to know where we are going in the future.

To think there was a place in history in which I would not have been able to be my daughter's mother.

A place in time where she would not have the same priviledges and rights as her brothers.

A place in time where she would not have been able to swim along side her friend.

A place in time when my sister would not have been able to marry the man she loves.

A place in time when my sisters children would have been alienated...

A place in time when the "idea" of an African American President seemed impossible.

(this is my son, Jack, pointing to President Obama on Inauguration Day)

Today, in this place in time I am aware that all is not perfect. I am aware of that people still hold hatred in their hearts and change must continue.

In this place in time I am embracing my gratitude for the social movement and messages of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr,

for the ability to create change, embrace our differences... to hold on to equality and ultimately to love one another.

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

blog here or there? anywhere?

2012-01-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

I am feeling at a cross roads with my blogs. I love blogging. Documenting our life. This blog started as a record of our family and journey to our daughter. It has evolved into my space to share all the things I love....my family, friends, art, photography, adoption issues, mommy-hood, home decor, vintage and just life.

I started an art blog a little while ago as a way to seperate my art life from my life-life. Not sure that is the best move....it is feeling burdensome to have that blog and this blog. But now I am thinking I should fuse it back together just into one blog. For some strange reason it feels weird to abandon a blog....strange emotional attachment to something I have created. no surprise there!

I am thinking out loud here....but that is exactly what blogging is, right?

The other blog is www.fiddleheadarts.blogspot.com

Thoughts? Anyone out there?

hair twist-a-rama

2012-01-09T17:17:00.000-08:00

This is our new favorite hair style of the moment.....small hair twists.

Really they are like hair "twist & twirls".

I reserve this for a big hair comb out with morrocan oil for a deep condition

the I take small sections, apply some of Carol's Daughter hair mimosa

I love the moisture and shine it gives our sweet girls hair.

And the scent is heavenly.

To sit still for an hour of hair we require a sucker and Yo Gabba Gabba....

In the end these twists and twirls looks so pretty....and I am surprised by how long they last.

I have kept them in for a week at the most.

Not bad for a vanilla Mama!

looking back on 2011

2011-12-31T17:25:00.000-08:00

As I think back on 2011 it was a wonderful year in the life of the Rikkers

some of my favorite photos from 2011.... its a small glimpse and they are

no particular order (because that would mean that I would need to be more organized!)

Hubby turned 40.

But he stills got it!

Jack is getting to be such a big boy....he is 5 and loves his buddies

Sometimes they end up in a tree and other times in the muddy stream...

My sister got married.....and had her 2nd baby in 11 months. crazy girl...I love her.

We attempted a family picture at her reception....nice try

Halloween in the neighborhood....riding the trailer in the country trick or treating with friends

Our crew of characters...

A trip to Mexico as a family....relaxing in the hammock with my sweet girl.

Our oldest, Judson, is 10.

Yep, 10. I can hardly believe it.

He is growing and changing to fast for my liking and I have to accept that.

I love him so....

Jack on 2 wheels this summer (age 4)

He was so proud....and it brought tears to my eyes!

Jack is growing so fast...he is spunky and sweet.

One of his favorite things is tickle time.

Here I am tickling in bed (after I was recovering from back surgery)

Bob the bulldog continues to love, and snuggle and sometimes ends up with frozen drool.

Its the last year we swam in the pool, it became a ramp and then went away forever.

Drew has an incredible love of life. He is a happy guy and is usually smiling.

It has been a great year of growth for Drew in so many ways.

Nana's birthday.....I love this picture of my Mom

She is now retired and we get to see her more. yeh!

we were with Pops on Father's Day...I love this picture of him too.

Our sweet girl, Tessa,

She has grown so much this year.

And "we" have grown up so much this year.

This was the year I really felt our bond was complete.

Tessa is very verbal....so much to say. She loves to sing and dance....and her favorite thing, other than Daddy, is Yo Gabba Gabba.

she is dramatic....she is 2 (need I say more?)

There were sad good-byes....

to a loving cat name "Felix"

And recently, to our beloved Opa (Andy's grandfather)

We had a wonderful Christmas....and fun making our holiday card.

There is alot to say "chin chin" to!

Cheers to 2011 and the new year to come!

Spritz....yummie

2011-12-27T15:00:00.000-08:00

I have a thing for Almond Spritz Cookies.

I mean it is basically butter, flour, sugar and a bunch of almond (we always double or triple the almond).

There is also the fact that my Mom and I have made these together many, many times while I was growing up.

So, to me that smell of almond smells of love.

First, get your hands on a cookie press...this is a vintage one with a twist press and disk for different shapes. I bet there are more updated cookie presses, but I am partial to the beautiful vintage kind.

Here is Mom stirring up trouble....

Then clean up and smell the almond extract.....ahhh

Mix it all up.

Choose the shape you want your spritz. We started with flowers and then went to wreaths later.

Get the cookie dough in your cookie press.

Sprinkle on colored sugars or cinnamon imperials...

And of course, don't let any dough go to waste!

I still love licking the beaters.

These did not last long...

Here is the recipe (from cooks.com) :

THE BEST ALMOND SPRITZ COOKIES
1 c. soft butter 2/3 c. sugar 3 egg yolks 1 tsp. vanilla flavoring 1 1/2 tsp. almond flavoring 2 1/2 c. flour Heat oven to 400 degrees. Mix butter, sugar, egg yolks and flavorings thoroughly. Work in flour. Press through cookie press into desired shapes onto ungreased cookie sheet. Decorate. Bake 7 to 10 minutes. About 6 dozen.

snow wonder

2011-12-17T06:13:00.000-08:00

This is the first real snow of the year....it is magical.

Tessa has already snuck out the door to touch the snow at least 4 times and it is only 8:15 a.m.!

We will be getting out there to play today, but couldn't resist sharing these photos of our sweet girl in wonder of the snow.

Christmas moment

2011-12-15T18:23:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas....and all the moments that come with them.

Getting the tree up...the stockings too.

eatting chocolate from the advent calendar.

Lighting our four pine trees outside and seeing them glow

Of all the holiday traditions in our house my favorite has to be the Christmas pyramid...

which was the best purchase I made while living abroad.

It has its own magic as the angels twirl and the bells chime. love it.

And love this "moment" from Tessa's first Christmas with us last year.

This year we made it to Brunch with Santa. Three of the four kiddos were there. It was the first year Judson chose basketball over Brunch with Santa. I get it, but I missed him being there for this tradition. It is a wonderful event and of course the main event is giving your wish list to Santa. All the kids were very excited to do so. I had my camera ready as I knew I might catch a "moment".

2 years ago I caught this moment when Jack was 2 years old and met Santa for the first time.

Oh, the trauma. .....but it just makes me laughout loud still!!

So, I was ready for any possible moment this year.

With Tessa being really excited about meeting Santa and showing no signs of worry I really didn't think she would have the same kind of moment Jack did.

That is until Daddy put her on that strange man's lap. That is not o.k. and Tessa told the world, just as a 2 year old will do.

And yes, it was hilarious again. I was (not so secretly) happy to have

another classic Christmas "moment".

It still makes me giggle....what is wrong with me?

holiday card for you....

2011-12-11T05:39:00.000-08:00

There are sooo many people in out lives that I want to connect with during the holidays. This year I wanted to give people a little something to have a jolly chuckle about. (Maybe I needed that for myself too!)

For all of you in our lives through this blog world, through the internet....thank you for touching my life. For all of my friends and family that keep up on our crazy lives here....I love you. Thank you for your presence in our lives.

And so I give to you the Rikkers Holiday card 2011!

Happy Holidays from our family to yours.....

"Oh, what we will do for a silent night"

Disclaimer:

All Rikkers kids merrily consented to being tied in Christmas lights

and silenced with apples in their mouths to give Mommy and Daddy a "Silent Night".

It was nice while it lasted!

Happy Holidays! May you be bit by the spirit of the holidays.....Love, the Rikkers

Searching with Ethiostork

2011-12-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

It was over 2 years ago that we recieved Tessa's referral and the photo above of our sweet girl. I knew she was meant to be our child. On that day I read her referral and I knew in my mind that she would have many questions for us one day about what I was reading. The fact was that there were so many empty spaces and unknowns in her referral. Those unknowns made me feel a deep sadness, one a mother imagine's for her child. I knew I wouldn't be able to answer those questions. I might be able to answer a couple of those questions imagining the context of her birth in Ethiopia at that time in history. We would just have to imagine.

Until a couple months ago I didn't even realize it was even possible to search for our daughter's birth family in Ethiopia. All we knew was she has been "left to be found", she didn't have any sort of known birth history. It was through this big blog world, that I saw another adoptive family had done a birth parent search with "Ethiostork". I checked out Ethiostork's blog www.ethiostork.blogspot.com and I couldn't get the thought of a search out of my mind. Knowing that we could at least try.....we might find out more about her history and her birth family.

There is also the realization that 2 years have passed. That is 2 years from the pain of it. But that also means 2 years where information could be fading or lost. I realized I didn't want any more time to pass. That NOW was the time to search.

I think it might be a common feeling as an adoptive parent, but I felt a bit vulnerable in this process. I didn't want someone to take advantage of us and our desire to connect to our daughter's history. I saw Ethiostork's website and all the resources that they provide for Ethiopian adoptive families. Conducting a birth parent search is just one aspect of their service to adoptive families. After researching, conversations about the process with Duni, founder of Ethiostork, making sure it was all legitimate, talking with other families (via email) and then doing some soul searching, I new the time was right for us to do a birth parent search for our daughter and took the leap.

It was a bit of a leap of faith. But I trusted that Ethiostork would represent us well, and do their best to find out any information possible. While I never thought this process would ever be possible, I had fantasies that I could one day search for her birth parent....but we know full well that "I" couldn't just waltz into an Ethiopian village and start asking very personal and sensitive questions. It takes the right Ethiopian person, who knows the culture, the language, the systems to do that investigating and to ask those really tough questions.

I knew that in this process that the information we had could lead to a dead end. Of course, it would be impossible for Ethiostork to guarantee that a birth parent would be found, but they did say they have had good successes. So, this process was about trust and hope....that if we sent an Ethiostork investigator out into our daughter's village that he/she would be able to uncover some information that would lead to a birth parent or relative. If there was a dead end in the process more than anything I wanted to be able to tell Tessa that we tried.

Of course, each person's birth parent search is bound to be very different. There may be painful realities. I can tell you in our case it just took the right person to ask the questions to get to the truth. The truth that was right there below the surface. It didn't take long at all to find out the treasured information about my daughter's birth history and first family.

I know now that things in Ethiopia aren't always as they first appear. Sadly, people are so often in desperate situations and are forced to create stories to bring children into care when they can't care for them. It is a fact....a very sad fact. It is also a fact that Ethiostork helped us uncover the truth. They have given our daughter the answers. She will know names, she will know context and will even know the treasured face of her first mother because Ethiostork created a DVD of their interview. It is an incredible gift. I am so grateful I listened to my instinct, trusted and took the leap to search for our daughter's first family with Ethiostork.

This is our daughter today.....

today she will point to her shirt and say "Africa". I ask her, "Where were you born?" and she says "Oo-pia". Some day she will know even more and will have answers. Having her story she will be able to have a better understanding of her past. Her story is apart of our family today and for future generations, and we are so grateful to know it.

If you are reading this and would like to talk more about our journey with Ethiostork and our birth family search in Ethiopia, please email me at jrmrikkers@yahoo.com.

take care.

dear first Mama

2011-11-30T08:47:00.000-08:00

Dear first mother,

For years I have been sending you love in prayers hoping they would reach you. Knowing you were bringing our daughter into the world. And then not knowing if we would ever know you or be able to find you.

I barely have the words to express our love and gratitude for you. You chose to bring this beautiful life into the world under very difficult circumstances. Thank you for making that choice, for carrying this life and bringing her into the world. We can only imagine the pain of being unable to raise this precious life. What you have been through isn't fair. We want you to know she will be raised with you in our hearts, knowing the struggle you went through to bring this life into the world, and knowing the grief of relinquishing her to another.

Please know how grateful we are that you shared information about yourself for Tessa. Thank you for sharing your story and giving it to our daughter. Being able to have some answers for her about you, and her first days is a gift like no other imaginable. To have your words, to have your grace and for her to be able to see your image on the video is the most beautiful gift that will be treasured by our daughter and future generations.

We can't know what your heart is feeling. It is our prayer that your heart feels a sense of peace. Peace in knowing that you will be known to our daughter. Peace in knowing that she is being given a life full of love, where she will have every opportunity given to her and that she will be taught to love and know about the world and life outside of this priviledge.

In the years to come as we raise our daughter you will never be forgotten. Your name will fall lovingly and frequently on our daughter's ears. She will know that your heart wanted to raise her, but that you were unable to. She will know that the life you were born into was unfair and did not allow you the choices and options that our daughter will have. She will know.

With such love, gratitude and respect.

found

2011-11-28T16:56:00.000-08:00

It is with both a heavy heart and such gratitude that I am able to share that we have identified our sweet girl's birth mother. It is simply amazing to me that this was possible. That we now know more about her entrance into the world. A world that is just not fair.

It isn't fair that some people are born into situations in which they are unable to nuritious their children, have access to resources. It is isn't fair that people have to create stories so a child can be brought into care when they aren't able to care for them. It is all just unfair. And yet, this all had to be for our daughter to come home to us. Somehow it is all apart of the plan for all of us even if I don't understand it or the inequities of it all.

While I am not sharing Tessa's story, it is hers, I can say very important new information surfaced through the investigation.

To start this search we shared what information we had from her referral and that is where the investigator started. It doesn't seem it was that terribly difficult for the investigator to reveal the truth. It was right there under the surface and just took some probing to uncover it.

Ethiostork did a very professional job at navigating the very sensitive issues surrounding a birth mother search. They know where to start, who to talk to. We know could have never done this ourselves without someone asking the questions for us to discover the truth.

The truth can be painful. I also think it can offer peace, understanding and completion. I am feeling all of these things, but mostly I am incredibly grateful.

It makes me wonder if her birth mother is also feeling some of these things...the pain, the peace, understanding and completion. I can't know for sure, but it seems to me she might be because she now also has information she didn't have before. She knows her daughter has been adopted, in America, she saw a recent photo of her happy and healthy and also expressed her gratitude for us raising her.

For over 2 years I have been sending prayers, loving and hopeful energy into the universe hoping it would reach her birth mother. Perhaps it has been received.

searching...

2011-11-18T18:25:00.000-08:00

Dear sweet girl,

We have started a search. A search in your birth place to find a birth relative. I don't know where it will lead, but I do know we must try. It is possible that we may be left without knowing the answers to your questions. There is so much we don't know. One thing I know for sure, we are forever blessed to love you and call you our daughter.

love-Mama

I have decided to go forward with a birth family search for Tessa through Ethiostork.

There are so many questions that I know Tessa will carry with her. One's we will never be able to answer for her.

When I ran across this service and saw other adoptive families making connections for their children, I decided it was worth a try. In my mind the more time that passes, the more likely it is for information to fade. Tessa is now 2 years and 4 months old.

After many conversations about the process and a lot of soul searching, ultimately it came down to having answers for Tessa. Now is the time to try. I don't know if we will make any connection. I don't know what answers will come of this. But I am hopeful something will emerge.

Worst case scenario is that we discover nothing and have lost some $ with a search. To me, it is a risk worth taking. Someday in the future I want to be able to tell Tessa that we tried to find out more and accept that facts of what we do know.

The information (names we have, dates, photos, location) has all been sent and the search has been started.

As I go about my day I wonder about how this search is intiated. Who is driving to Hossana and is asking the hard questions? Who is making the connections in the community? I am so curious about the process. But mostly I am sending all sorts of love and hope into this process that is happening in our daughter's birth place.

It's all for you sweet girl.

belated Halloween....

2011-11-14T16:59:00.000-08:00

At last my belated Halloween post..... how could I neglect these photos of my littles!

What a group of characters!

Hippie Jud says "Respect the classics, man"

Jack the race car driver...I would get out of his way.

Drew the "Evil Gnome"....terrifying to all.

Brobee never looked so cute.

When you live out in the country you get to throw hay bails in the back of your open trailer....load up the kids and grown ups with their own treats....and it the road. Tons of fun!

the art blog begins....

2011-11-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

For a while I have been thinking about seperating my art life from this blog.....

I have so enjoyed this blog world and the connections I have made. Mostly as a mother, as an adoptive mother on this crazy journey. It is wonderful and I plan to continue....but it is time to honor myself.

Honor the artist within. connect more to that part of myself.

So, tonight I began my art blog.....

Fiddlehead Art

I hope to share what I am seeking, what is inspiring me, where I am stumbling and how I am evolving.

There will be my paintings, photography and inspiration wherever I find it. And while I am certain other aspects of my life will trickle in, I am dedicating this blog space to my art life...

join me....

Fiddlehead art blog!

reason to paint

2011-11-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I make the space in life I just paint to paint. Sometimes I paint to escape. And sometimes I have a specific reason to paint. Often those are the times that I feel most inspired. It is when a painting emerges so easily from my soul because there is an intention with it.

This painting is one of those that was inspired for a very specific reason to paint.

A little background: So, there is this awesome person that I have met through this blog world. This is one of the reasons I love to blog to connect to other Mom's with passion. Tesi has passion for her family, for Ethiopia and all 5 of her children, and for providing access to clean water. She is simply amazing. So, when Tesi put out a call for artwork for their Water Party auction I was inspired. It is easy to be inspired by someone so full of love and impassioned!

Here is the painting.....I love it. I always fall in love with new paintings. It is a blessing to feel so happy to send them off to do good for a cause that is so vital.

"Live with Hope"

I wonder where this will be hanging? Who will love it enough to bid on it and bring it home? I won't be able to see who wins this piece, but I am certain it will go to someone who "gets" its message.

I see this painting as a giant postcard (hence the Swaziland stamps) sending a message of hope to the viewer. Hope for change. And in this case, of this fundraiser, hope for access to clean water. Or it could be hope for whatever the viewer's soul is seeking.

It is a 16x20 mixed-media acrylic painting on board and is framed in a black metal frame.

Here's to the water party! and to Tesi, and her awesomeness as a woman of the world, a mother and advocate for access to clean water for all. Good luck with the water party!!

Our Jack-o-lantern

2011-10-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack Jack, our Halloween baby,

It was Halloween 5 years ago. I was a week overdue, miserably pregnant and sooooo ready for you to enter our family!

You arrived at 5:32p.m. (I will always remember the exact time because it was the same as our address in military time 1732)

Your birth was such a wonderful birth....

Since I was a week overdue we scheduled your induction for Halloween morning. I knew what to expect, the laboring started slowly throughout the day. Daddy, Nana and Omie were all there waiting with me, excited to see you enter the world. In the afternoon I had asked for the epidural right at the point when I couldn't tolerate the pain any longer. I remember the relief of that wonderful epidural (what a sweet thing), being able to rest and relax until the action really started. As things were gearing up for your entrance in the world Daddy ordered a pizza, but by the time it was delivered it was also that time to push. So, the room smelled like Daddy's favorite pizza for you to enter the world!

Daddy had delivered your brothers (at a different hospital) but when it was time for those last couple pushes he and the OB/GYN were being overly polite saying "you go ahead", "its o.k., you". While I was waiting for those last couple pushes, that can hardly be held back, I said something to the effect of "Andy! you delivered the other boys, get down there NOW!" That ended their politeness and Daddy got into position to deliver you. Daddy was the first person to hold you, our third son. It was wonderful and blissful. We were all overwhelmed by your sweetness, our love for you and the miracle of that moment. I will never forget that feeling.

About an hour later the big brothers came in with Pops from trick-or-treating to meet you, Drew was dressed up as Superman and Juddy was a race-car driver. They were so excited and even offered you some of their candy.

Jack, your name did not come to us immediately. We had a list we were talking about but became distracted when your jaundice became very severe. You had been born with a high billirubin level and it only increased in your first day. They took you from us and sent you to St. Mary's hospital in Madison to try and get the blood levels under control. It was scary and sad that they wouldn't let us ride with you in the ambulance to the hospital. We met you there. I was so sad when I saw your incubator and it said, "Baby Boy Rikkers". You looked so large compared to the other babies in the NICU....the nurses said you were a giant there being born overdue. But you were very sick. They poked and proded at you with needles and it made us incredibly sad, but we knew they were doing exactly what your little body needed.

On your 3rd day, while you were in the NICU and we stayed at the Ronald McDonald house, we thought about your name more. One of the nurses said you were a little Jack-o-latern because you were born on Halloween and were glowing a yellow-orange color from your jaundice. That comment along with the fact that we just loved the name Jack sealed your name. When you were born your face looked like an old man and reminded me of my grandfather. Right after you were born Nana said you reminded her of her father Poppy just as I was about to say the same thing. Which is why your middle name is Anderson after that side of the family.

We came home from the hospital on the 5th day.

So incredibly grateful that the NICU had been able to treat your jaundice and prevent any damage. We are so grateful for your health.

And look at you today at 5 years old. Equal parts spunk and sweetness. You give the best hugs and snuggles. So spirited, mischievious and at times stubborn...know what you want and don't want. With a laugh that is so absolutely contagious. You feel things deeply and love big.

We feel so honored to be guiding you in this world

We love you sweet boy...

Happy Birthday Jack Jack!

one of a kind

2011-10-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

"One of a Kind"

Mixed media acrylic painting

One day I was taking photos of a friends land out in the country. Their land is beautiful, full of different landscapes and textures.

This was a project in which I would come out and take photos at the peak of each season.

It was the spring photo shoot and I was "out of my mind excited"

to see a hillside full of beautiful white flowers.

I was literally laying on the ground in the woods getting awesome macro shots.

That wonderful, in the moment of beauty- feeling came over me. I loved it!

That is until I realized that my keys had fallen out of the my pocket.

Yep. In the woods. keys. gone.

bummer.

They were gone. So, I called a friend to rescue me and then continued taking photos.

There among those little white flowers on the hill was a gorgeous white flower standing tall.

Different from all the rest.

One of a kind.

Beautifully simple, but almost seemed out of place.

But the beauty of this story is that out of that bummer moment came a beautiful photograph,

which I just recently painted and felt that "out of my mind excited" feeling once again.

I love art.

19 years ago...

2011-10-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

October 16th is a special day because....

19 years ago I met this guy and fell madly in love with him.

I was 19 when I met him. Half my life has been with him in it.

I am so grateful that our paths crossed on this day 19 years ago. I love you and our life that we have created together....

over the bridge

2011-10-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

3 out of our 4 little people went over the bridge.... how I wish Jud had been here! I was just checking out the new bridge in town that is connected to a trail. Checking the light, the possibilities....

....which are many!

There is something so easy about shooting here....

I even like how the shadows are creating this pattern.

There are fences to hang on to.

And I just love how the bridge frame actually frames the shot....ahhhh.

Drew is so darn photogenic...."gap", "boden" do you see this kid?

And then the trail just creates this natural background to play in...love it!

Gosh...I wish Jud had been here for this walk over the bridge!

art show.....

2011-10-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ah....I am feeling a sense of relief. I just hung up my art show at the Prairie Cafe & Bakery in Middleton, WI (outside of Madison) and it looks great.

I have been working on a number of new paintings for months. It has been consuming me on many levels. There is nothing like that last minute adrenaline to kick my creative juices into high gear! The night before the show I completed the series "The Art of Hope". Thankfully these pieces came together at the last minute. My process is often very messy and disorganized as I jump from piece to piece in my studio. I usually have about 8-10 pieces in process. I find I enjoy working on them all simultaneously....there is a cohesiveness that occurs, and it is when I feel my most creative.

This series of paintings was created with the intention to express the hope I held onto after returning from AIDS Walk Africa and while we continued on our adoption journey to bring our daughter home. Hope was at the core of these journeys for me, and continues to me. So much so that even the universe acknowledged this hope by giving Tessa her Ethiopian name "Tesfanesh", literally meaning "you are hope".

A little info....they are all mixed-media acrylic paintings.

"Perch of Hope"

"Born of my Hope"

"Hope Blossoms"

"Hope Lives"

"Mask of Hope"

"Messenger of Hope"

"Symbol of Change"

"Listening for Hope"

These paintings hung together in the space...

And they accompanied the work from the "Message from Swaziland" series...

It is always such an interesting process to show your works. It leaves me feeling excited, proud and down right vulnerable. And while I find I have a new appreciation for the older works, I also feel a profound attachment to the newer pieces. That is always the way for me. If I could I would like to know where each piece ends up. So, we shall see who connects to what....but mostly my hope is that these works will stir people in some way. Maybe the issue of the AIDS pandemic in Swaziland, or that hope lives all around us in nature, in ourselves...we just have to look for it.

If you are in the area do try and visit the Prairie Cafe and Bakery, which is a fantastic cafe.

water changes everything

2011-09-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

Ever think about all the different ways you used water today?

for me today- toilet flushes, washing hands, quenching my thirst, brushing my teeth, taking a shower, giving the animals water, watering my plants, washing off fruit and veggies, cleaning dishes, washing clothes and ice.

For a moment: Imagine your life without access to clean water.

WATER CHANGES EVERYTHING...

please watch this video on the water crisis from Charity:Water

Today was Mission Sunday at our church for the kids Faith Zone at our church.

I was so excited to be asked to organize the "mission" for the children this year!

It wasn't a difficult choice for me to choose which cause.

For me the issue of access to clean and safe water in developing nations is huge.

Of course, I think of Tessa's birth place, Ethiopia.

I think of her drinking the enat water.

I remember the women carrying jugs of water.

It is a fact that if Tessa hadn't been placed into the care center

and had stayed in her rural community the chances of

her surviving infancy would have been decreased dramatically.

Every 15 seconds another child dies from water related causes due to unsafe water.

Here are some more facts on water in Ethiopia:

• The need for water and sanitation in Ethiopia is severe. Only 22% of the population has access to an improved water supply. In rural areas, these numbers drop even further.

• In the last 20 years, Ethiopia has experienced droughts followed by food shortages and famines. In rural areas, women and children walk up to six hours to collect water. Most people collect water from shal- low ponds which they share with animals! Other people collect water from shallow wells. Both types of these sources are subject to contamination as rain water washes waste from surrounding areas into the source.

• Ethiopian women carry large clay jugs of water from ponds back to their villages. These jugs can weigh up to 40 pounds! Often, young children are left home by themselves or with a slightly older sibling while their mother and older siblings collect water and their father works tends to animals or tries to earn money at a job outside the house.

• Water-related diseases are among the principle causes of death in young children.

What we are going to do....

The h2o project!

The H2O project has inspired our children's Faith Zone to take this challege:

	Make water your only beverage for 2 weeks.
	Save the money you would usually spend on beverages.
	After 2 weeks, donate the money you saved to the organization of your choice & give someone clean water for a lifetime.

H20 has a fantastic set of resources.....brochures, a score card to keep track of what you save on beverages, videos, posters, even a parent letter and statements to share with your organization. There is so much more on H2O site to make this challenge a success!

After we complete the H20 challenge, we are donating our $$

raised to on organization that drills wells in developing nations.

we chose....

CHARITY: WATER

100% of the $$$ donated go directly to funding drilling wells in developing countries, like Ethiopia!

Today at church we introduced these ideas to the kids, watched the videos...the kids carried a 40 pound container of water, looked at their cups of dirty water an imagined life without clean water. They are taking the challenge.

$1= clean water for 1 person for 1 year!!!

$10 = clean water for 1 person for life!!!!!

Our kids are taking the challenge....it is simple and necessary!!

join us!!!!

good-bye pool...

2011-09-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

good-bye pool...

good-bye to splashing in the sun, to cooling off in our own yard,

good-bye to night-time dips in the pool while gazing at the stars and watching the bats "fly-by" us

good-bye to afternoon mommy margaritas with other mommies while the kids happily play

good-bye to endless hours of entertainment.

good-bye pool parties...

good-bye to opening and closing the pool, chlorine and cleaning out the leaves from the giant oak above,

good-bye to saving swimming frogs and mice.

good-bye pool.

it was a long life and now it is time to use you as a "skate/scooter/bike" ramp until you are filled in forever.

Touch of Sun...

2011-09-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

Once in a while the sun does this....and lights up this little guy that lights up our world.

i heart faces: touch of sun photo challenge.

referral anniversary

2011-09-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

September 11th....it is the date that sits in many hearts for many reasons. And while we will never forget the sadness of this day, we also hold this day in our hearts with joy as the anniversary of our sweet girl's referral.

Tessa...

It was 2 years ago today that the hope in our hearts became reality.... you came into our lives. It was the day that we saw your sweet face for the very first time on our computer screen. It was the day we heard your sweet name, Tesfanesh, for the first time, and learned it means "you are hope". We were in awe.

The journey to you was long, and had unexpected turns and yet it was right where we were all suppose to be. In that moment it was clear we were always on our way to you.

In two years we have come so far....and it yet it feels like we have been here forever.

2 years ago that space in our hearts was full....full of the knowledge of you, full of joy.

my heart at ease....

2011-09-09T18:27:00.000-07:00

At the same time I was dealing with some truly negative, ucky energy....

the universe sent me the most amazing knowledge and put everything back into perspective.

Tirunesh is with her forever family!!!! My heart is at ease.....and full of JOY!

After some heart felt inquiries and the kindness of our adoption social worker, today I received word that sweet Tirunesh is indeed with her forever family.

I don't know anymore information other than just what I needed to know. Tirunesh has been home with her family for about a year and a half. So, it is clear that the major issues in her referral were thankfully able to be resolved....she is being loved and nurtured in her forever family and that is a true blessing.

Thank you God.

I realize that with the heartbreak of Tirunesh's invalid referral 2 years ago(see this post) that she was able to unite with her forever family, and as a result we were united with our forever daughter. I believe it was all meant to be and is just as it should be.

Tonight as I rock Tessa I will be thinking of Tirunesh, knowing that her forever family is indeed looking in her eyes, that she is being held, cared for, nurtured and loved forever.

Thank you God, thank you universe.... for this knowledge, that puts my heart at ease and fills my heart with joy and singing with gratitude!

art scam!!!

2011-09-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

It appears I have been the victim of an attempted ART scam (I didn't lose any $ or my art). It was sophisticated...it was personal.
I am really disheartened by this, but it is clearly a scam that required some on-line research for a "sale"...in this case a sale of artwork.

Here is how it went down:

I was contacted by a woman name "Sharon Scott" regarding two of my "Message from Swaziland" paintings. (Clearly they came across my website www.jenniferrikkers.com)

This potential customer inquired about the size of the painting and then decided on the painting "Ever After", which has a $1000 price tag. (I love this piece and was so please someone appreciated its message)

She was excited about the piece and expressed her "sincerity" regarding its message. Then she said she would be arranging shipment of the painting through her moving company as her husband's company was moving them abroad to London from N.J. She even provided addresses for both homes. Then she said the shipping company would contact me....and "they" did contact me seperately.

Here is that correspondence:

Hi,
I have received communication from Mrs.Susan Scott that we should work with you to ship some artworks with her other house decors to her new house in London , UK when you two are through with the transaction,as she advise.
I will like you to get back with the kind and nature of the things she want to ship.I will like to have your studio address ,so i can make arrangement with any nearby Agent that will be coming for the pick up once you and Mrs.Scott are through with the transactions. Thanks.
I will appreciate your earlier reply .
Regards,
Jeff Simmons.
Mac Movers and Logistics LTD
B12, THE BUSINESS CENTRE
504 Ridgeway Road,
London, SW9 7EX
UK.
T: 0870 863 9866
F: 0870 863 9867
E: mac_moverslogistics@yahoo.com

I told both "Sharon" and "the moving company" once payment was received that I would arrange the shipping with the moving company. Then she said she was having complications with her pregnancy and was at her sister's wedding which was slowing the process of the payment. (It all seemed possible at this point). Then she said her husband was sending payment via royal mail as he was already in London. There was a delay because of a mistake with my address and Hurrican Irene....then it was "resent".

I received a check today, via air mail/royal mail...but it was for $3900. Yep, not $1000.

Immediately I was disheartened and wanted to believe this was some crazy coincidence. I called the bank, Suburban Bank and Trust, it was issued from, which is was legit bank in Elmhurst, IL. The bank told me that this cashier's check was indeed fraudulent. The only name on the check was "Dennis Friedhan", so I still have a a glint of hope that this wasn't "Sharon" as her name was nowhere on the check. I know, the idealist in me.... But a part of me knew that this probably meant it was a scam.

So, tonight I emailed "Sharon Scott" and said I received a check from Dennis Friedhan today and asked if this was indeed the check she was sending.

"Sharon" wrote this:

Hi Jennifer ,
Good to hear you have received payment for the painting. Thanks for
your update. I am very excited and can't wait to have it on my wall. I
hope to give the it a very good home and enjoy the lovely piece for
years.

Regarding the payment, my husband made a mistake and send your payment
with that of the movers because he didn't have full details of the
transaction since i was sick when he sent it. I am very sorry for the
confusion

I told him about what inspires you to make the painting and he was
touched that part of the sales will be donated directly back to the
AIDS foundation in Swaziland. He can't imagine 33% of a population to
be infected with HIV/AIDS virus. Anyway, we will like you to go ahead
and deposit the payment, you can then remove the asking price for
"Ever After?" , additional $330 to the foundation and forward the
difference to the movers.

Meanwhile , i was able to get hold of the movers immediately i got
your email and they promise to get in touch with you and make shipping
arrangement. Try and keep me updated as soon as you hear from them.
Best Regards,
Sharon.
PS..Kindly acknowledge this email as soon as possible. Thanks .

As you can see "Sharon" really personalized this scam.....from finding my work on-line, showing interest, choosing a piece, setting up payment and shipment, even referencing that I donate 33% of the cost of the piece because 33% of the population of Swaziland (which inspired the series) is infected with HIV/AIDS.

It wasn't clear that it was a scam until the very end, until today. Looking back I see how they pulled me in. They complimented my work, my efforts to give back. I am sure they thought they had me "hook, line and sinker". They developed a "relationship" with me and even induced sympathy for her difficult pregnancy while moving abroad while trying to complete this transaction.

Unbelievable. Of course, I am disappointed that I didn't sell a piece of my work. I was looking forward to it and that someone was genuinely interested in my art or its message. But instead these people were interested in taking advantage of me.

I am disheartened....and infuriated by this scam.

So, I want to get the message out there.....this is happening and it is VERY PERSONAL. You open yourself up on the internet with your art, with your website, even with this blog and it is a reminder that you need to be on the offensive. Sad state of affairs, for sure. My hopeful and idealistic nature will not be deterred. My efforts to share my art and "Message from Swaziland" will not change. That is all apart who I am, but it is a lesson....and it is clear that I need to protect that part of myself as well.

Since I posted this one of my young computer savvy friends (Javi!)

did some research and shared this link with me about art scams...

worth a look.

www.artscams.com

back to school

2011-09-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

back to school for all the little people.....they were all sad see summer end, but did have some excitement for the new year and seeing friends every day. It became clear to me toward the end of summer as they were bickering constantly that they truly needed to go back!

The traditional Mickey Mouse Pancake for the first day of school:

Judson entered 4th grade. He is far too grown up now. He allowed me to take this photo and then was off.

sniff, sniff....he is so grown up ( I swear I say that way to much).

Drew entered 2nd grade: He was a little nervous, but wanted to find his pal, Charlie so he walked off.

There he goes....

then he turned around because he decide he wanted Mommy

to come with him to find his friend & his class line.

I was more than happy to put my camera down and just be with him!

After Drew was all settled in it was off to Jack's preschool.

He is entering 4-K (4 year old Kindergarten)

Jack is definitely becoming such a big boy.

In fact, he is the tallest in his class....and has now told me at least 10 times,

"Mama, I am the biggest at my school!"

As much as Tessa wants to go to school, and fights leaving Jack's school everyday, she is going to have to wait a little longer.

The boys all had great days to start the year off with. Happy to be back with friends. And equally happy the first couple days were homework free....Mommy likes that too.

in those eyes

2011-09-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

2 years ago...I looked into those eyes, those sad eyes in the referral photo and my heart was broken, I was broken. We were trying to grieve the loss of Tirunesh, process the facts of her referral, and the injustice that her referral was not valid. We were trying to reopen our hearts and minds to the idea that she was not our child forever, and we are not her forever family. Trying to see that our forever daughter was still on her journey to us and us to her.

It was such a painful, heart wrenching time...I remember feeling so raw, undone, confused and hurt by the unexpected knowledge. I had truly fallen in love with this child I had never held, only seeing her referral photo, seeing the sadness in her eyes, the confusion on her face in the photo and wanting so badly to comfort her. She was my daughter in my soul and mind for months and when we were told her referral wasn't valid it was heart-breaking.

Knowing what I now know, I see that things in Ethiopia are often confused in translation, that is part of what we think happened, but really we don't know for sure. I believe her "supposed birth father" was protecting someone with his misinformation in the referral. Whatever his reasons, I believe his misinformation came from a place of love and protection for someone, but that someone is unclear.

And so, Tirunesh had to wait for all of that confusion to be worked out to be placed in a forever home.

I see know that Tirunesh was a part of the journey to bring Tessa home. If we hadn't had Tirunesh's referral and we would not have been available to recieve Tessa's referral 2 months later. I believe the same for Tirunesh's placement in her forever family as well. She will never know we were apart of her journey, but I know it and pray it worked out beautifully.

As we traveled to Ethiopia 6 months after the heart break I was thinking about Tirunesh and I wondered. I wondered... if she was at the same care center as Tessa? Had her relinquishment been finalized so she was able to be adopted? Had she been referred to her forever family? Will I recognize her if she is there? Would I see her?

When we were at the care center is Addis Ababa I kept my heart open and prayed that I would see Tirunesh and recognize her.

That prayer was answered.

On day 2 at the care center I was alone walking up the stairs as I looked into a room full of toddlers happily playing. I quickly scanned knowing that by then she would have changed dramatically but that Tirunesh would be about that age. I watched for a moment and had hope.... and then I spotted her.

There she was!

She looked right at me and smiled and I knew. I looked at a nanny and said in a questioning manner, "Tirunesh?" and she nodded yes. I squatted down, smiled and she came to me. She came to me and my heart filled with the same love and joy and hope that I felt when we received her referral. As I held and hugged her for a moment I wanted her to feel that love. As I looked in those eyes I saw what felt like some kind of "knowing", or at least that is how it felt. Perhaps God gave me that feeling to ease the pain of having to put her down and let go forever.

I had studied her referral photo so many times that I would have recognized those beautiful almond shaped eyes anywhere and believe I would still today. Everything else about Tirunesh had changed. She was not a frail little one any longer....she was robust, healthy and thriving. She didn't have the look or face of a sad, confused and deprived infant any longer. In those eyes I saw that she simply looked healthy, happy. and hopeful.

As I type this I wonder who is looking in those eyes now? Has she has been home with her forever family for months? With all the uphevel in Ethiopian adoptions recently I wonder....and am concerned and I want to know if she is o.k. and home with her forever family. I want to trust that she is and that she has been home for months, perhaps longer. On this day, 2 years away from the heart-break, my heart is aching with the unknown as I look in those eyes in the referral photo again. I am trying to accept the unknown and trust this whole journey. But I know today I will be looking for a sign, for comfort, for the hope...perhaps in those eyes of my sweet girl.

we are family....

2011-08-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

we are family, I got all my sisters and me. We are family....come on everybody, lets sing!

Now that you have that song in your head you are officially invited to see our weekend of family.

In celebration of family.....of my sister's family...their marriage, their sweet baby girl and sweet baby boy on the way!

For the event the McCormick family came up north to help us celebrate....from FL, VA, NC. Sorry Cousin Jim was left out. He was cleaning up after all his playing with the boys. They can spot a fun dude a mile away and were all over him.

Off to celebrate Krissy and Steve at the Van Dusen Mansion....

Introducing the bride and groom!

and their sweet baby girl

who also took a little cat nap

Then there was our family attempting a family photo...looks about right!

And the McCormick cousins

and a shot of them ALL looking.

Judson basically had that look on his face all day.

I just can't believe how big they are all getting....

Then there was this sweetie in a sequin pink dress...ahhh.

They didn't have my size or we would have matched.

And of course there were cupcakes.....

lots of cupcakes!

Tyler better watch his cupcake.

And a birthday cake for Nana....coconut cake. mmmmm

There was a new "cousin" marrying into this McCormick clan in October......

I think he now has all of the information he needed,

and loves my cousin Michele more and more with each moment....

Then there were kissing cousins....

a few of the McC girl cousins....

The Aunties.... can I just tell you how amazing each one of you are?

And my Dad....I love this shot of you Pops.

And this is possibly my favorite shot of my sister and I.....love you Krissy.

It was a wonderful, family filled weekend celebrating Krissy and Steven,

celebrating family!

Our family is a circle of love and strength.
With every birth and every union the circle grows.
Every joy shared adds more love.
Every obstacle faced together makes the circle stronger.

a glimmer of hope....

2011-08-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

Tessa and I walked in Strides for Africa in Madison last weekend...

it was a really nice event for an organization doing amazing work in rural Ethiopia.

A Glimmer of Hope What I love about Glimmer of hope is that every single dollar goes right to a project. 100% of every $! They provide clean water, education and access to health care to women, men and children. I love their website....you can see the villages in Ethiopia they are impacting. I could go on and on....please click on this link and check them out.

A Glimmer of Hope

It was a beautiful day for Tessa and I to walk in Strides for Africa.... Tessa rode in her stroller until we got to the "party", aka Africa Fest after. I hope we can do things like this together often as she grows. Along the walk were these signs, which are powerful in their simple messages.

What will be your impact this year?

It has me thinking....what about you?

A Glimmer of Hope

pet love...

2011-08-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

We love our pets around here.....really do

There are furry friends and not so furry friends.

but they are loved all the same. This is my oldest son's pet, Sonic the bearded dragon. He eats crickets and veggies....he is just generally cool.

It's pet week at i heart faces so I had to share some pet love. Now I am going to go snuggle with Bob the bulldog in bed.

$ a tough question $

2011-08-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

This post makes me very uncomfortable.....it really, really does. Especially with what is going on in my mind as our daughter's homeland is stricken by famine. It is impossible to reconcile. But I want to write about this question my son posed because it makes me think about how to handle our extreme fortune respectfully and consciously. So, my middle son, Drew, asked me very innocently, from an 8 year old's mind and perspective. He just wanted to know....

"Are we rich?"

When he asked this question I felt immediately uncomfortable and unsure of how to answer. I mean the fact that he is asking that question speaks volumes. He is aware and wanting to make sense of this world, especially as we are often talking about the crisis in the horn of Africa and in relation to Tessa's homeland.

So, then the question for me is how do I answer it so he is aware of his many blessings, our many, many life blessings. How do I answer it honestly in a very real realistic material sense. How do I make sure he can handle the answer and be sensitive and respectful? And how do I answer it from a broader life and world perspective? I knew I wanted to be able to answer this questions in a way that addresses what we ourselves were born into (middle class families in the USA) as well as what we have worked hard to create.

I stumbled...I wasn't particularily eloquent. This is basically how I answered this 8 year old's question...

"Drew, we have sooooo much. We don't have to worry about food, where to live. Many people worry about their next meal here and all over the world. Daddy works so very hard to make money for our family to live. He went to school for a long time to be able to be a Dr. to help people, and he is paid well for how hard he works. I am able to not have to work anymore because of this and be able to be home full time with you. There are lots of people who don't have enough food, or clothes or a home all around the world and right here where we live in Monroe. Does that make sense?". He answered yes and seemd to understand, but I realize this is a message that will need to be reinforced over the years.

The truth is we have so much and it makes me uncomfortable at times. I do love our life. I love our beautiful home and being able to give our children so many opportunities. I am keenly aware that our life isn't made of up the things and luxuries we have, but I do enjoy them. Sometimes there is that guilt for having so much when you see suffering, here or anywhere. Of course we are talking a lot in our house about the crisis in the horn of Africa. Thinking about a place we love, our daughters homeland, her birth family....we pray and hope and do what we can from here. I want to focus on how we live our lives. What we do with our lives, how we live in this world.

Money is so uncomfortable to talk about, isn't it? But I think our kids need an honest answer, how else do you learn about the world? (Is this making you uncomfortable yet?)

I want to get better at talking about it with my kids. I don't want money to be a secret or a mysterious thing. And I don't want them to see "rich" in a one dimensional way. I want them to see the riches of their lives honestly. They swim in a pool in their yard. They have traveled and played around the country and world. They ride on a jet-ski and boat. This is in a very material sense. But I also hope their lives are rich in love, in family, in friendship, opportunity, education and filling their minds and all the basics...a home, water, food.

This is my kids frame of reference....they have A LOT and need for nothing. Of course, I wouldn't want it any different, but with this comes a responsibility to make sure they appreciate their lives, to see it honestly and give back in their own way. And I am very aware that when you have all of your needs met and beyond you need to be grateful and use your life to the best of your ability.
"To whom much is given much is required"

So this simple question, "are we rich?"....stirred up a lot in me. It made me uncomfortable....and usually when something makes you feel that way you know you should look at it!
But I see that despite my discomfort my little guy is just trying to figure out the world, his place in it and I am here to help guide in that process. Raising children who live in this world with integrity, honesty. I want them to understand the many priviledges that they were born into, given. I want them to have gratitude, to live gratiously and within a larger world perspective.

The answer is yes.....yes we are. We are so very rich. Our lives are rich in love, in water and food, in community, in education, in friendship, in family......

milestones

2011-08-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

In one day there have been some milestones occuring here....

Andy turned 40. yep, he is 40! Fabulous and 40.

I met him when he was just 21. wow- we really are grown-ups now.

he is so loved.....

*Proud Mama alert*

Jack is on 2 wheels. That's right! He is such a big boy. Within a minute of Andy taking off the training wheels and he was immediately on 2 wheels. He is continually asking me "Mama, I can go on 2 wheels now. Want to see?" It is so sweet, he is so proud...and so am I.

Drew got up on 2 skis!!! I was driving so I only have this photo of him on a tube. But let me tell you getting up on 2 skis was BIG!

Jud is kneeboarding like a pro....seriously hitting the wake like it is nothing! I wish had had a shot of him throwing up his "hang-loose" sign. Needless to say he is totally rad.

Tessa is working on getting 3 teeth all at once. It is not a small task.

And it seems like there is alot of drama at our house.

She is basically ticked off alot....I hope those teeth pop through soon!

I am always amazed by this life. Watching all of us grow and change....together.

We Love You!

2011-08-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

Daddy....it is your 40th birthday and

today and always.

spinning my wheels

2011-08-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I come across other people's blogs, their words, their photos I get inspired. Often it is parenting, art, photography. Tonight it is organization......this blog Cathy Talks has inspired me to get some s*@! done! Sometimes I just feel like I am spinning my wheels!!! The only one fighting all of the clutter creating forces = hubby and 4 little ones.

I need to do this in August, while I have some help from summer sitters....I need to do this for my sanity. I need to declutter, I must organize and finish some overdue projects.

* finish painting the garage and art studio doors (started it last November)

* clean up old studio attic space

* organize the gift bags & paper mess

* sort and organize kids toys in the basement

* paint the basement wall

* start uploading photos for yearly digital album

* work on kids art folders/boxes

I could be setting myself up for failure, but I am going to do my best to stop spinning my wheels.......at least for this month!

good-bye Felix

2011-07-29T21:53:00.000-07:00

Grieve not,

nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.

I loved you so

it was heaven here with you.

-Isla Paschal Richardson

Tonight out sweet cat, Felix, left this world.

We surrounded him.....comforted him.

So thankful he had come home to be with us. That he waited for us to come home tonight before his sweet spirit left this world.

Felix's life was a short life....but a special one.

2 years ago our friend found Felix and his sister on the median of the highway near our house.

It was days after we had lost our dog, Blue. I saw them and new they weren't going to the Humane Society. My heart was hurting from the loss of our dog and those kittens came home and filled our heavy hearts.

They were wild kittens, only a few weeks old, very hungry and very sick.

We nursed them back to health. His sister went home to live with our neighbors and Felix to live with us.

He was so small, so sweet and spunky. He loved the kids...loved them so much he would always let them hold him, slept with them. He was the kind of cat that rubbed your leg and would roll over in front of you so you could scratch his belly. He was the kind of cat that followed us around the yard and when we would go on walks. He was the kind of cat that was a bottomless pit....could never fill that belly. And his belly showed it. He loved to play with Bob the bulldog. His favorite sleeping spot was in bed with Judson.

Recently, he had been using the new carpet as a litter box and became a "garage kitty".

That is, his box and food were in the garage.

He loved being outside for his "kitty adventures", but he was always stayed close. Rarely gone long enough to miss a meal.
Then a few days ago he had been been gone a couple days, hadn't been coming home for food.

Not like him.

I knew something was wrong.
It was. Yesterday came home so lethargic. So weak.

Now I believe he had come home to be with us.

I brought him into the vet this morning. He was terribly anemic. His level was a 10.....VERY low. The vet said his blood was like water. Normal level is 28. So we decided to attack this with meds and force fed him. The diagnosis is likely "Hemobart". I have never heard of it....but it attacks the blood cells. He could have contracted this disease from a flea or a bite from another cat.

12 hours after the vet appointment, 2 doses of meds and force feedings, it was clear it was too late to stop this disease.

We were all with him....surrounded him with our love. Said good-bye to our sweet kitty.
too soon to go, but in his short life gave us so many memories, so much love.
The boys loved you so much....their hearts are hurting...
all of our hearts are.
Felix the cat.... you will be missed forever and remembered always.

+ 10

2011-07-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

I stood on my bath scale tonight. +10. yep, there it is!
Ugh....I am so frustrated. And since this is where I share all the good stuff, I am also going to share the downer of the day. I am +10 and it ticks me off. I have gained 10 pounds since my ruptured disk, which was in early May. I am so mad that I let this happen. Ugh. Before I injured my back I was really doing well in taking good care of myself. I had been eating well, drinking protein shakes, getting my workouts in and was 10 pounds lighter. I felt good and my clothes were fitting better. Then the back injury and the exercise was put on hold, even daily activity was limited. So, here I am 10 pounds heavier...and so mad that my indulgences got the best of me. I know what I did, too little movement while I ate whatever I felt like since I was hurting. Not hard to see that, but now I need to take off the chunk and that won't be any fun. Since I am so mad about my body right now I am going to use that number "10" and say out loud 10 positive things about gaining10 pounds.
1. Lots of rest in bed= no calorie burn
2. Eatting ice cream at night
3. I enjoyed being told not exercise at all. None. Zippo...Zilch.
4. even though I gaing 10, I can now feel my left leg because of the successful back surgery
5. I caught up on all my DVR'd shows and reality t.v......I swear those shows make you gain.
6. Pretty much eatting anything I wanted, which I obviously enjoy
7. snuggling in bed with my dog, kitty cat and kiddos
8. My boobs got bigger
9. At least I am not pregnant.
10. There is more of me to love

There it is.....I am back on track today. The Dr. has given me the go ahead to start exercising slowly. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful that the surgery was totally successful. And I am grateful that I know how to lose it, just mad that I have to do it again.

water jump!

2011-07-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

summer fun= water

This shot is one of my favorites from a "cousins" photo session last week.

cousins....oldest to youngest jumping into their grandparent's pool= summer fun & memories!

i heart faces: water photo challenge

birthday love.

2011-07-19T07:23:00.001-07:00

It's my 38th birthday..... I am excited for this new year in life and oh, so grateful for it.

This birthday greeting from my sweet, dear friend Margo just arrived. How lucky I am to have love in my life. And this reading says it all.....Had to share it because I love it sooo much and feel so surrounded in love today.

July 19th 2011

"The Lessons ARE Love..."- Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie.

Reading for today, July 19th...

Lessons of love, that's what they are.

We usually don't know what the lesson is while we're learning it. Maybe we're not supposed to. Besides, if we knew it, really knew it, we wouldn't need to learn it. We'd already be practicing it in our daily lives. But even when we don't know what the lesson is, we can know one thing: it's a lesson of love.

Courage. Faith. Patience. Loving yourself when it looks and feels like nobody else cares. Starting over again one more time, even though we feel like we have started over more times they anyone should have to. Forgiveness. Compassion. Gentleness. Joy. Each of these is a lesson of love.

For many of us, the problem isn't that we haven't had love in our lives before. The issue is that we haven't understood love. Know this: not only are the lessons about love, the lessons themselves ARE love.

So feel your feelings. Struggle through your situations and experiences and emotions. The struggle to learn isn't incidental to your purpose. It's an integral part OF your purpose, your destiny, your reason for being. Go through your moments of darkness and confusion, and trust that the light will come. Through it all, rest in one thought: you're on track. You're on your path. You're connected to love. You're connected to God. And the lessons you're learning are lessons of love.

Thank you, for all my lessons of love through our friendship. You might be the most important teacher in my life, other than Oprah of course. :)

Happy Birthday, I love you so much, my soul friend. xoxo M

tattoo or not to tattoo?

2011-07-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about getting a tattoo....

the impulse to do this has been many years in the making. College came and went with the impulse and thank goodness I didn't act on it during some raging night out on the town. I am glad I didn't get one during that period, precisely because I didn't know myself well enough. If I had I would have a sunflower or shamrock or Bucky Badger on my body....and would either be cursing it or probably would have had it removed by now.

Today it is a different story. I really do know who I am, and I have a strong desire to capture my feeling about my family in art on my body. Of course, I already have my baby tattoos, aka... "stretch marks". I have embraced those as a mark on my body signifying motherhood. But now that our family is complete I want to create a design of my own. I am imagining something with fiddleheads or a very organic shapes respresenting our family.

I like these henna inspired shapes (especially the 1st and 7th), but would design something myself for 4 children to be represented.

And of course, I LOVE fiddleheads....what they represent- growth, change, evolving, and togetherness

...how they re-emerge every spring and represent hope.

I imagine something small, feminine and beautiful. Mostly, it needs to be something I love so much I want to live with it forever. It must also be on a place on my body that is less likely to sag, or wrinkle or be totally obvious. So, I am thinking on the inside of my ankle or foot.

I don't know what I will do with this feeling. It has come and gone over the last 20 years.

I think the feeling to get this tattoo has become so strong at this point in my life because I feel so secure with my myself, my life, my creativity, my motherhood.

My husband isn't crazy about the idea.....said "its a little trashy" (coming from a guy with a small fraternity tattoo on his foot from his college days). But that comment does have me thinking. I'd like his support. And that other people will think "trashy" too- do I care? Maybe I do a little. But honestly, if I do go for the tattoo I am not thinking about other people, it isn't about them or for anyone but myself. This is a personal expression on my body.

One that would be an expression of my love for my family. And to me that is lovely.

There it is.

tattoo or not to tattoo

so sweet...

2011-07-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

so sweet.

such a sweet shot of our babes sharing a birthday.....8 years apart. life is sweet.

YoGabbaGabba love....

2011-07-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tessa is a "Yo Gabba Gabba" girl....she loves. that. show. LOVES.

That expression says it all! And you can see she is saying "Yoooo Gabba Gabba!"

For her 2nd birthday Tessa received the ultimate in Yo Gabba Gabba merchandise.

There is the Yo Gabba Gabba boom box!

I am afraid nothing else existed or mattered after this gift!

Below is Tessa sporting her D.J. Lance wears-(a fab gift from Omie & Opie)!

I mean it is fuzzy and bright orange and plays music and games when you push the star!

Why wouldn't one want to wear it?!

Tessa totally digs DJ Lance....

And then from Mommy and Daddy... a Brobee costume! Perfect for when you want to jam out and dance like Brobee. And the perfect costume for Halloween! Mommy is always thinking!
Our sweet girl is 2....she loves Yo Gabba Gabba, but I think she loves the fun of it, the colors, the music and dancing. It is just plain fun for a 2 year old!

If you have a 2 year old.....and aren't opposed to a half an hour of t.v. good music, dancing and funny characters with funny names...then I highly recommend Yo Gabba Gabba. We have it recording on our DVR so there is always a show there when she needs a break or when I do. Just being honest. Sometimes I love Yo Gabba Gabba because I get 30 minutes of Tessa being still and happy so I can do stuff like this. There is something to it.... there is some serious Yo Gabba Gabba love in our home!

Cat Drama

2011-07-08T04:26:00.000-07:00

I have CAT DRAMA.

We have 2 black cats.....and I think both decided our brand new carpet was perfect for their pee and poo.

Meet Cecil....our beloved 14 year old cat who has been with us since our first year of marraiage. He has seen it all and has been the most wonderful cat. He has also become more and more nuerotic with age, but who doesn't, really? These days he talks (meow, meow, meow) incessantly to us when he wants to be fed or wants water from the sink. I know, the sink. That is gross, but for some reason I indulge him. Want to keep him well hydrated to live as long as possible. Maybe I am the crazy one. But I think Cecil may be losing it. He has never had any major issues other than a his back teeth last year, which is totally resolved after removal.

He has been such an easy pet, so loving and soooo easy.

But recently he has decided that the basement is a great place to pee.....and not in his cat box which was a mere 15 feet away. Oh no. He has been using the carpet. And not just any carpet.....my NEW carpet!!! That's right BRAND.NEW.CARPET.

I have recently banned Cecil to the back section of the house where our bedroom and office are. His food, his box are all there now, which I also don't particularily like in my space. But I am TRYING to keep him there...all of his needs are met there: he can get water from the bathroom sink, he can snuggle with us at night and he can bask in the sun from the sky lights. But now there is an issue of keeping him in there....he is a keen escape artist like any cat, but seems to be accepting his new place in life.

It is making me crazy that it is NEW carpet installed recently after we paid money to transport my in-laws pool table (VERY HEAVY) to our home. New carpet that we installed so we wouldn't have to replace it again after the pool table was installed! NEW CARPET! @#%@!

Now I feel like the neurotic one.....constantly sniffing, SMELLING FOR IT.

Sometimes on my hands and knees sniffing to find any spots. nice visual.

Purchasng multiple urine out products and using the wet vaccuum on it!

It seems useless.

I am beside myself and it is driving me crazy.

To make it more complicated we have another black cat, Felix. I have also banned him from the house beause I believe he is involved and may be the one who started it. He is to be a "garage cat" because I am also certain he is apart of this drama. We are trying to just keep him in the garage, but he is highly motivated to sneak in. Ugh. He is also a wonderful cat and loves the kids... our neighbor found Felix ans his sister in the median of the highway near our house. He was tiny and since he has been with the kids since such a young age loves them, follows them around the yard and even lays by the pool to be near them.

I can hardly think of the alternative to stop this...I can't even say it out loud here, but it is on my mind and I hate it and cried about it and hate it.

thoughts? cat loving people out there? honestly, what would you do? They are both perfectly healthy cats. Do we keep them sanctioned out of the house? Get some kind of carpet or door zapper? I don't think this behavior is going to stop. ugh.

gift of a polaroid....

2011-07-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

There were countless moments that have stayed with me for 3 years from AIDS Walk Africa in Swaziland. But for me what comes to mind first are the interactions with the children. The children especially loved to have their photograph taken with our digital cameras so then be able to look at their own sweet faces. I am quite sure there were many children that had never seen their very own smiling face before.

Before we went to AWA we were prepped for the journey. The foundation (EGPAF) shared that children would likely be very curious about our cameras and some may want to see their photo. It hit me quickly...why not bring a Polaroid camera! A Polaroid camera so that I could take their photo and gift it to the children and mothers I encountered. So I ordered the camera and tracked down Polaroid film. It seemed like such a simple thing to bring along, one that would bring so much pleasure!

It may have been one of the single best ideas I ever had.....one that was incredible for the mothers and children, but filled my soul with such joy that I can still feel it today as I type these words!

I was able to witness the pure wonder of a child as they looked in total awe at this photo developing right before their eyes. They clung onto their special photo as if it was gold. I was able to bring 80 Polaroid photos for the polaroid camera. Each time I took a photo I felt such joy in being able to give them something meaningful that they will treaure. And for me that is one of my greatest treasures ever.

Can you imagine what it would feel like to live in a very remote area of Swaziland. Have this group of Westerners visiting your little village, walking....with air conditioned vans following them. They bring cameras, smiles, some supplies. I wonder how it felt for this little guy. If nothing else I do know he loved his photos!

This mother was was excited to have a photo of herself with her baby girl...

Every mother wants to be able to capture these special moments.....

I am so happy she has at least a couple photos for them to share.

photography....a polaroid=joy

AIDS Walk Africa....3 years later

2011-07-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

It was 3 years ago......that I went on the journey of a lifetime to Swaziland to participate in AIDS Walk Africa for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.

Why Swaziland, a small kingdom between South Africa and Mozambique?

Did you know that 3 years ago that 33% of the population of Swaziland was infected with the virus....33%. That is why.

That is 1 in 3 of these school children....

AWA was really was one of those life experiences that becomes apart of your soul, which I think are the best kind. We (the staff and 19 walkers including, my Mom and cousin, Casey) witnessed so much over the course of walking the land of Swaziland in just a few days. Here we are...

This journey was about witnessing. The country, the culture, the disease in pandemic proportions.

Witnessing the children, my god, the children- with our own eyes and touch. And knowing with each time you made eye contact, smiled or touched a child that they are what this mission is truely about. Witnessing the work to give these beautiful children a chance at life free of HIV/AIDS!

This is a preschool (below) we stopped at to donate some clothing items, paper and coloring pencils. The teacher said her school needs a new roof. She also said that all of these children are orphaned by HIV/AIDS. In Swaziland, we didn't see orphanages, instead the children are raised by extended family in the community.

Going on this walk I prepared myself to feel a great deal of sadness, but found that while I had some moments of sadness (ex: witnessing a boy with shoes that were a men's size...but he wore them to school. Also, witnessing a boy with such severly bowed legs he could barely walk and knowing this could be corrected in the U.S.A. so easily) the sadness I felt was overpowered by the HOPE and JOY.

The incredible hope that the people hold for their children to be able to live free of HIV. The hope was in their eyes, and smiles. The hope rang in their sweet voices as they sang and danced for us. The message of the children's dance was a brave one...to say out loud HIV is killing our people, we need to make good choices and keep ourselves healthy as we are the flowers of our community.

The children stay with you. I met a sweet little girl, named Tula, while walking. She was fasinated by my sunglassess and then proudly wore my sunglasses and carried my walking stick as we walked together. She reached out to hold my hand. As we walked those hills together hand in hand, I realized these are the hills her mother walked with her and that she will likely walk with her own children one day. The terrain will not change, but the plight of the people walking this terrain can! It is possible! There is hope for her...and for all these children. I felt the hope and know it is possible to eradicate HIV.

The cultural norms and taboos surrounding HIV/AIDS must continue to evolve and the Swazi-people realize that they must happen first with their youngest generation. This nation is being destroyed by HIV/AIDS and the challenges they face are enormous. Many Swazi-men do not want to know their HIV status and continue to take many wives and girlfriends. The women in the rural communities have very few resources and so many challenges (poverty, HIV stigma and status, clean water, basic needs).

The next time you take your car to a Dr's appointment and wait to see the Dr., think of this. As we walked the miles and miles through the hills you couldn't help but imagine yourself a Swazi-women: barefoot, pregnant, not feeling well from HIV/AIDS and carrying a child with her walking miles on very rugged terrain, and steep hills to get to the clinic for medical treatment for herself and her child (preventing mother to child transmission, prenatal care, her own HIV treatments).

The mothers often wait all day to be seen and will sometimes sleep on the grass outside until the next morning. The Swazi-women are no different than all mothers who deeply love their children and want their children to have a healthy start in life... to be born free of HIV. Like all mothers, they too want to be healthy and be able to raise their own children, but are fighting against many challenges to do so.

3 years ago....I walked the paths that those mothers walked. And today I remember and share it with you to bring you closer to those mothers and children and the hope for cbildren all around the world, to be born free of HIV.

this time of year

2011-06-29T18:38:00.001-07:00

Once there were 2 mothers and it was this time of year.

For one mother this time of year everything is in bloom, the green grass grows so quickly. The days are longer. The iris' just finished blooming while the roses show their color and the lilies are ready to show themselves soon. The robins are busy feeding their nest full of babies. It is this time of year that she was carrying her first born, Judson. She remembers this time of year so well precisely because she was on the verge of motherhood...and then became a mother on July 1st, 2001.

It is this time of year for a mother in Ethiopia. For her this time of year is not marked on a calendar by a month, day of the week or even year. For her this time of year is marked by the crops growing. This time of year is marked by the wet weather as they enter the rainy season. The dirt roads under her feet may be muddy and slick. She may not have the date, but she may look around and see this time of year and remember. It was this time of year 2 years ago that she brought our daughter into the world. This child was given a birth date of July 1st, 2009.

It is this time of year that these 2 mothers were both on a journey of motherhood.

It is this time of year that 2 children were on their journey to each of us, 8 years between them.

It is this time of year that one mother grieves for the other's loss, and wonders and wishes and hopes....

It is this time of year that one mother is forever grateful.

Forever grateful for the beautiful life brought into the world.

Forever grateful for God uniting our lives together forever.

It is this time of year, and beyond, that these 2 mothers will be forever connected through the thread of life, love and motherhood. It is this time of year.

living room face lift

2011-06-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

Ahh.....
a new couch in the living room, which I have waited a long time for and I love. But I quickly realized a new couch needs an updated space. A little living room facelift was in order!

This was the accent wall in my living room that I once loved. The blue color is from the dining area and the stencil is the green from my kitchen. But with the new couch it felt way too dominating. And I was tired of it.

So, I decided to lighten the wall and pull in the charcoal gray from the couch and granny smith green color from the kitchen walls for a totally new accent fireplace wall.
I started with painting the wall a buttery cream color. It looks like French vanilla icecream (it is an old paint from a bathroom in the house).
Then I took the plunge on painting the brick surround a charcoal blue-gray (our house exterior paint). It was a risk.....but I love how it turned out.
Then it was time to beautify the French vanilla cream wall with a damask stencil and colors from the fireplace (same color as the couch) and the green color from the kitchen. Using 2 colors on a wall stencil is a bit more time intensive, but the effect is beautiful and worth it!

I didn't pay a cent for this wall makeover because I already had the stencil (which is also in my bedroom) and used house paint we already had! freebie....bonus.

I do love the way it turned out. The room now has a modern vintage feel.

It is comfortable and more open with the creamy wall.

The accent wall makes sense pulling the colors together from the couch and kitchen.

gotta love a facelift....I mean a makeover!

swinging from a tree

2011-06-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

Here is Drew swinging from a tree. Free as can be....swinging from a tree!

This is my favorite shot of June. Precisely because Drew is so in the moment. Soooo enjoying the new swing. And so unaware of my camera...and I just got lucky with this great shot.

A happy childhood moment captured! I love it!

Scavenger hunt

2011-06-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

What I love most about scavenger hunt Sunday is that it gets me looking around....looking for those shots around me that I might not otherwise be looking for or find. This week I found all of these shots right here at home.in a very short span...it was just plain fun.

Window/Door-

Our back door...I love the reflection coming through of the me in the back yard and windmill.

Eyelashes-

Jack could barely sit still for me to catch a shot of his eye lashes...but alas, I got it!

And I love how the sunflare is pointing you right to his eyelashes. bonus.

Leaf veins-

These are leaves from a "the smoke tree" in my garden.

Paint-

look at what a little glossy white spray paint can do! yahoo!

Faceless Portrait-

love these sweet little hands

15 years ago....

2011-06-22T03:41:00.000-07:00

15 years ago.....I married my best friend, my love, my partner in life

We were young, in love and eager to happily begin our life together.

Our wedding was held at the Historic Courthouse in Stillwater, Minnesota....beautiful.

I think it is best we didn't know the challenges we would face. The growing pains.

We were both growing and both changing....together.

Some how, by being together, we were able to become more of ourselves side by side.

Like the symbolism of a teeter-totter.....there were ups and downs. But to find the balance we worked at it and worked at it. Over the years we have become better communicators, better listeners, better at knowing eachother and ourselves. That's the key, or at least one of them....and remembering the balance just doesn't happen, it requires understanding, love, compromise.

In 15 years of marriage we have finished degrees, moved between states(WI/MN to KS, MI, WI) and a year in Strasbourg, France. There were internships/residencies, and then jobs we loved and didn't love. We decided to grow our family, there were miscarriages, and then 3 pregnancies and birthing 3 beautiful boys in 5 years. And then in our 11th year we began our journey into adoption and brought home our daughter from Ethiopia. There have been wonderful furry little souls (Porter the Pug, BlueBoy) that we have loved, snuggled with and said good-bye to. We purchased several homes, each of which we worked hard on, loved and made memories in. We have lived on loans, and very small pay checks, pinched pennies and recycled cans (10cents a can) in Michigan to make ends meat. We have played hard and lived/ traveled around the world, with 2 small children. We have yelled and cried, made mistakes and resolved to do better. We have grown some gray hairs and began some lines on our faces, hopefully more from smiling.
We have laughed, at each other and ourselves.

We have we grown, oh how we have grown.

At times I hardly recognize those people 15 years ago, but love them and their hopes and dreams.

And today, I love how those hopes and dreams have evolved and grown beyond anything we could have hoped or dreamed for.

15 years....

happy anniversary my love.
I love the life we have made and continue to make..

together.

photo challenge

2011-06-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

you know how I love to share my photos...and all of these are from seeing my family this weekend.

love it.

Emotion:

When you sit on grass for the first time...this is how it feels.

From a Flower's Perspective:

Letters:

My brother tells me his shirt says "What's Up?!"....he is a sign language interpreter and is awesome....

Frames:

Bliss:

My Dad, aka Pops
This is what happens when you are truly loved....

we were all together, all of us, on father's day.....that is a moment of Pops' bliss

Let's here it for the boys....

2011-06-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

Let's here it for the boys.....

There is something so simply wonderful about a little guy eatting watermelon on a summer day. And this cutie patootie happens to be my nephew. Isn't he squeezable?

An i heart faces photo challenge!

hot air balloon!

2011-06-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

Once a year our town hosts a balloon rally. Last night the balloons were in the sky.

And one balloon decided to land in our neighborhood!

Isn't it neat to see all of these little people in our neighborhood....and there are quite a few missing from this photo. And how wonderful to see how small they are compared to that beautiful balloon!

The balloon team practiced taking off and landing.....then the real fun started for our little neighborhood!

Yep, that's right....balloon rides! yahoo!!!

This is Tessa, Daddy and her friend Viv and her Mom.

I was behind my camera thinking....

how amazing is it that this little sweetie from Ethiopia just had a hot air balloon ride?

This is Juddy with his buddy Logan.

All the kids in the neighborhood had a turn...if they chose to. ;)

This is Jack...running to the balloon. And then deciding "no way man"

Below is Drew with his pals Nicholas and Carson....happy boys!

below....Judson and Logan flying high!

Tessa wasn't a big fan of the fire, noise and heat. There were tears.

but when in Daddy's arms everything going to be o.k.

Eventually the fun has to come to an end......but even watching the balloon come down was beautiful.

graced for a moment

2011-06-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Just when the catepillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. -anon

When a small child, I thought that success spelled happiness. I was wrong, happiness is like a butterfly which appears and delights us for one brief moment, but soon flits away.
Anna Pavlova

happy

2011-06-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

show:

tell: Tickle time....I am in bed alot letting my back heal. But there is still room for tickle time with Jack Jack. His laugh is contagious.....and makes me so happy, happy, happy!

your best shot: photo competition

2011-06-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

This shot is about 15 months old....almost as long as little Miss Tessa has been home from Ethiopia.

I don't know how it happened....but it remains one of my all time favorite and best shots.... i adore it.

green...paper mama photo challenge

2011-06-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

Since I am recuperating in bed....I am admiring the beautiful greenery outside my window.
I decided to take part in the Paper Mama's photo challenge: Green

Little Miss Tessa.....romping around in the yard. how I love this shot!

bright and vivid: i heart faces

2011-06-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

Bright and Vivid: Photo Challenge

This shot of the little Miss just cracks me up....

can't you just see that she is almost 2? can't you just feel her frustration with her Mama?

I think it is bright and vivid...both in color and feeling!

Back to....

2011-06-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

My back. It has been the focus lately. Back to normal? Not yet, but, at least my back is on its way back to its new normal!

The surgery this past week went really well. I was actually looking forward to having it done to remedy the discomfort in my left leg. The nerve there was being pressed on by the disk tissue in my spinal canal. Thankfully my spinal canal is super-sized, so the pain wasn't as bad as it would be for most. lucky me....I am grateful! But it was one of those problems that wouldn't remedy itself and would worsen over time and wear.

The nuerosurgeon had said it was a very "impressive"amount of disk tissue by the MRI's view. Turns out it really was. In fact, he said I am in his TOP 5 for the amount of disk tissue that was in there. Approximately 8 cm worth, which is huge. He said it was a more difficult surgery for him as a result. Glad I could give him a challenge.

So, now I am recuperating at home. We have had the help of amazing friends and family. People amaze me in how they reach out....texts, email, cupcakes, sleepovers for my kids, picking the kids up for playdates, dinner, flowers. Oh, the flowers are filling up my bedroom with their beauty and scent.

My sister drove over 6 hours to be here in awful traffic to take care of me, and all of us, with her 6 month old and being half way through her current pregnancy. Yes, she is amazing and loving. And did a great job taking care of the house and kids and me.
i love this photo of Krissy...

My parents also made the long trip and are now here doing the same. They are keeping everyone happy....making sure I don't do too much and rest, making sure I eat, get my fiber and take my meds. It is wonderful. wonderful, I tell you. I am so lucky to have this life. back to normal soon, but for now I rest, watch way too much reality t.v. on the OWN network and E!....read People magazine, blogs and of course, accomplish a little on-line shopping.

I did have one BIG outting 2 days after surgery to see Seinfeld. Yep, Seinfeld!!! I WAS. NOT. going to miss it. We have had tickets with friends to see Jerry for months. I almost rescheduled my surgery, but the Dr. and nurse both said I shouldn't and that a little outting like that would be just fine for me, especially since I wouldn't need to drive and would have my meds. So, we did it. Unfortunately, I got really woozy on the ride to Madison. Silly me, forgot to eat enough and the meds made my tummy ucky. Really ucky. So, I fought it and fought it. I was able to enjoy Seinfelf for a whole 40 minutes without the uckies and then it came back. Andy and I went to the family restroom and listened to Jerry overhead while I sat near the toilet. nothing happened. But we were able to listen to Seinfeld and laugh...both at him and the obsurdity of all of it. I was determined....and it was worth it, because the show was AWESOME and Andy was laughing so hard he was wiping tears away! good times.....

on my way back to normal.....and I am grateful. And yes, I am on some very nice "happy meds". ;)